Over the River LXIX
October 13, 2023
Highlights and lowlights from my 69th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. Waiting at Fairview Mall for the Falls-bound regional transit bus was a young Asian kid with a scooter who spent several minutes playing with his nose. Once on board, he began rubbing his eyes. My notepad also attracted Scooter Kid’s attention. Little could he have figured he was soon to gain some unwanted infamy.
2. Despite having only a couple of minutes of layover time at the outlet mall, the chunky regional transit driverette couldn’t resist using that time to get out for a smoke. Imagine being that hooked that you can’t wait until getting to Morrison and Dorchester, where drivers are provided with a 20-plus-minute break.
3. Free cushions in the shelter a block from the Morrison and Dorchester hub . . .
4. Another way for the state to bleed money out of tourists . . .
5. Don’t have a cow, man . . .
6. Walking into the gas station close to the bridge was some dude wearing aqua boxer shorts covered with prints of sea creatures.
7. Scenes that just scream “Niagara Falls, New York” . . .
8. Garbage day on Pine Avenue. The alert reader will notice an empty box from a big-screen TV among the soiled mattresses. Even in the ’hood, they have their priorities in order.
9. No, no, no and no.
10. Spotted on Pine Avenue was a young woman at a bus stop wearing a T-shirt with the message, “40 Days for My Life.”
11. I suspect many inhabitants of this neighborhood have had such a ride. Call it a hunch.
12. Even barber shops encourage you to floss your teeth . . .
13. The mob was here . . .
14. The things you find in Hyde Park . . .
14a. The fact that this paper was folded up and laying on the ground, unsigned by the child’s guardian, is likely an indication as to how seriously it’s being taken. Methinks this “conflict” is going to be escalating.
15. Free rollerblades . . .
16. Once again, the SPRM continues to follow me around . . .
17. Special carriers for gays . . .
18. Blecch . . .
19. For anyone who needs a man or a woman altered . . .
20. Scenes by the boat launch in Griffon Park . . .
21. Something’s fishy all right . . .
22. This bucket was perched outside a saloon, presumably for the use of those who had embraced tequila season more than they should have.
23. I’m assuming this place used to be known as the Eskimos Lodge . . .
24. Inside Amy & Co., the little coffee shop where I stopped for a break. While there, I was talking with a cyclist who had left his bike, which was in visibly better shape than mine, outside unlocked. OK, it’s not the ’hood, but it’s hardly an upscale neighborhood. Once again, this is not the Old Country.
25. Also while there, a husky black guy wearing a Sabres sweatshirt got out of a red Tahoe, went inside and ordered a cake for his son Colin’s sixth birthday coming up on the 20th. One layer of vanilla, one layer of chocolate along with custard filling. Before leaving, he ordered some sort of breakfast sandwich that set him back $6.16, though he enjoyed it thoroughly while seated in his Tahoe.
26. At the counter were a couple of glass jars with dollar bills inside of each. Vote for tomorrow’s scone, the sign in front read. Based on the dollar count, triple chocolate was easily beating pumpkin.
27. Someone had obviously lost control of their car and took out this sign near the corner of Buffalo Avenue and Hyde Park Boulevard . . .
28. Not far from this scene, I was passed by a car with plates from the Mexican state of Sonora. Again, this region sees tourists from all over the world, but that’s a long way to drive.
29. Farther down Buffalo Avenue was a morbidly obese woman wearing a Bills sweatshirt stretched to its limits with blubber boobs that were hanging down close to her waist. It was one of the worst retinal-searing moments I’ve experienced in some time.
30. Seconds after locking up my bike in Niagara Falls State Park, a Middle Eastern guy with a map in his hand approached me and asked if I worked there. I said I didn’t, but I offered to help him and directed him to the spot he was looking for.
31. Scenes in Niagara Falls State Park:
32. Seeing this, I wondered if “I really don’t want to return to Canada” qualified as a “crisis” . . .
33. This was an early October day with a forecasted high temperature of +16C. A week ago, we set heat records and many air conditioners were going. Yet the Top of the Falls Restaurant is already closed for the “winter” season. For the record, the pricey restaurant at Table Rock on the Canadian side is open year-round. Once again, it’s exactly the opposite of what one would normally expect, given how Americans are much more entrepreneurial than their Canadian counterparts.
34. Have a gay old time in Niagara Falls State Park:
35. The trolley that runs through the park. Or as the driver said, the “trahlley.”
36. Crossing Checkpoint Charlie back to Canada Ostdeutschland, there was a lineup stretching the entire length of the bridge waiting to get into the Great State of New York. Yet in the other direction, there were two open lanes with officers waiting to serve me.
37. The use of the old Niagara Parks logo with this humorous caption suggests not everyone is enamored with the provincial agency running the attractions around these parts . . .
38. Did someone just assume the pizza’s gender and marital status?
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