Over the River XCIV
June 30, 2025
Highlights and lowlights from my 94th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. Disembarking from the #305 bus at Fairview Mall was a tall, lean, scruffy dude sporting a denim cap featuring a logo with a rooster perched atop a globe.
2. Rolling up to the nearby Fit 4 Less location was a guy in a red T-shirt who was so fat it was a minor miracle the tires on his motorized two-wheeled scooter didn’t pop. To say the least, he needed to get fit, but what he needs more than the gym membership is to get off the see-food diet.
3. The chunky driver of the #314 bus who was on a lengthy layover at Fairview Mall looked like she was pregnant with a couple of Big Macs.
4. As he disembarked at the Fairview Mall layover yard, the driver of the #312 bus was telling a passenger how much work he did outside yesterday. “But it was so hot,” he said as he was heading over toward the aforementioned driver of the #314 for a chat.
5. It would have been nice if the driver of the #45 regional transit bus didn’t aim for the massive divot in the QEW just past the skyway. Traveling at such a high speed, it resulted in a bone-jarring hit that I’m surprised he didn’t blow a tire on. Or worse.
6. Next to me in line at U.S. Customs at the Rainbow Bridge was a black van from the Great State of California with a Spike Ball game in the back. I’ve never heard of such a thing before, but it involves a big, circular net.
7. Spotted in the state park was a young Asian kid wearing a pink T-shirt with the message, “Eat. Sleep. Waterloo.” on the back.
8. Spotted on Buffalo Avenue was a black van with a bumper sticker that read, “Get off my ass before I give your car a facelift.”
9. Behind me in line at Panera Bread was a group of four who had piled out of a white BMW with Ontario plates and a plate cover from an Oakville dealership and who were jabbering away in Polish or Ukrainian.
10. On my receipt was a space for a gratuity. This is a fast food place, not a five-star restaurant.
11. It’s a good thing they warned me that the beverage I was about to enjoy may be hot. I’d never have figured such a thing, especially having filled it up from the jug labeled “HOT WATER.”
12. I couldn’t help but notice when this guy wearing a bright yellow A’s jersey walked in. Though I haven’t watched a game in well over a dozen years, I used to be a big fan of the A’s and once bought a massive C-band dish so I could watch their games. I had also seen them play many times in Minneapolis, once at Metropolitan Stadium in 1981, the first day after the strike, and the rest coming at the Metrodome. I was so hooked I would even take the day off work to watch Opening Day.
I took note that there was no Sacramento or Las Vegas patch on the jersey, which meant it had to have been an Oakland vintage. Good man, I thought. Then when he got up and turned his back to me to fill his cup with Pepsi, I saw the big white letters CBP on the black shirt he was wearing underneath the jersey. Was he following me? I wondered. Wouldn’t be the first time. Whatever the case, all I could think of was Danny Glover’s line from Predator 2, “Your boys have been made.” If he was trying to go incognito, perhaps it would have been better to wear something darker. If the agent likes the A’s, he could have tried the dark green version. Something that would have better covered up the CBP lettering. Figuratively speaking, they’re going to have to get a up a little earlier in the morning if they want to pull the wool over my eyes.
13. A’s Guy spent most of his time in the place with his head down on his phone before visiting the washroom, leaving his two beverages on the table while he was in there, then returning to pick them up on his way out.
14. While all this was going on, a young woman came in wearing a black T-shirt with the message “Feel All. Love All.” written on the back. How welcoming and inclusive of her.
15. Something happened here, whether there was an accident or a bunch of junk fell out of the back of a pickup truck on its way to the dump.
16. Seeing all these flags at the Niagara Falls Veterans Memorial in Hyde Park made me want to chant, “USA! USA! USA!” Kind of what I feel like doing just after getting through customs.
17. This bumper sticker I spotted while in line waiting to return to Ostdeutschland Canada was interesting. Perhaps the better question is who will be the 46th president, since Joe Biden will go down in history as an illegitimate ruler who had no more valid claim to the presidency than I did.
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