Dear Chris Bittle
August 20, 2023
Dear Chris Bittle:
Thank you so much for the invitation to your summer barbecue later this month at Henley Island. Though so many in our city, including myself, I have to admit, have an impression of you as being incredibly smug and arrogant, it was awfully big of you to include me. I’m quite surprised to see that you’ve obviously decided to bury the hatchet after blocking me on social media and skipping my house when you and your team were canvassing on my block during the election.
I noticed, however, that a minimum $25 donation to the Liberal Party is required. Given the current political climate and state of the economy, I can certainly understand why. With your party’s popularity tanking and Canadians increasingly unable to make ends meet largely as a result of your party’s policies, I can imagine that donations aren’t exactly flooding in via the traditional domestic channels. It is clear that most Canadians see you and your party as representatives of the fringe minority with unacceptable views.
Normally, such things would only be a minor inconvenience for the Liberals. After all, your party has plenty of foreign sources available at your fingertips. There’s the CCP, for instance. We know how tight your leader is with the nation whose basic dictatorship he so greatly admires. No doubt you do as well. There are the usual foundations fronted by Bill Gates and George Soros. No shortage of money available to the Liberals there. And there are plenty of other sources from which the Liberals draw from, including Big Pharma. You know as well as I do that it’s not exactly kosher. But since when have the Liberals been the party of high moral or ethical principles? If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying. And besides, all Liberals genuinely believe they have a divine entitlement to rule. The methods by which they gain power are not important.
But these days, with the spotlight on the CCP’s interference in our elections, there’s so much additional scrutiny. Everyone’s suddenly getting all moral as hell. Even the state media can’t cover it all up, no matter how much taxpayer money the Liberals stuff into their pocketbooks. It’s certainly not from lack of effort, but there’s only so much they can do. I think even you have to admit that your leader has kind of blown the lid off the scandal-o-meter. I remember during an election debate, you were too embarrassed to even mention your leader’s name. I know this will pass. It’s only a temporary setback. Once your leader crushes that pesky domestic opposition and gets his subjects back in line, it will be business as usual. But in the meantime, you need money. I get that.
Though I do understand your plight, I’m afraid I’ll have to decline the invitation. Please don’t take it personally. The Liberals get enough of my money. You’ll just have make do. But in any event, I’m confident you’ll make up the shortage somehow. You and the Liberals won’t be starving. You’ll still be munching on caviar and sipping champagne while telling everyone how sorry you feel for the poor folks. Like Liberals have always done. You’ll just have to be a little more creative and resourceful with fundraising.
I’m afraid I also had to use the unsubscribe link in the email you sent. I’m not sure how you got my email address in the first place, but I’d really rather not get any more invitations from you. Please honor the unsubscribe request. It took several months to get off the party’s mailing list. I hope it won’t take nearly as long with yours.
Best of luck.
Looks like you need it.
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