Return to the CNE – 2023 Edition
August 19, 2023
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s return visit to the CNE:
1. Waiting at the bus stop at Fairview Mall was a group of three Middle Easterners fawning over their dog while engaging in a conversation that went something like this:
“Obo, obo, obo . . . first day of the CNE . . . aba, aba, aba . . .”
2. I was clearly not the only one CNE-bound as the bus was packed.
3. Seated in the back of the bus was a young punk who proudly proclaimed, “I don’t work, bro. I took the summer off.”
4. Seated across the aisle was a young couple, each with tattoos up and down their arms and a toddler in a front-facing baby carrier. They were spending the day in Toronto, though they weren’t bound for the CNE. As soon as they sat down, they took a selfie, but the female half didn’t like the picture. “I look like shit,” she said. As we passed the lake, she seemed in awe of it. “That looks like an ocean,” she said. “That’s not an ocean,” her partner Dale replied. “I know what an ocean looks like. That’s Lake Ontario.” Dale proceeded to name all the Great Lakes. Good for him. She also remarked that she could see Toronto, but it was no big deal to him. “I can see Toronto every day,” he said.
She went on to talk about how she doesn’t like roundabouts. She was even freaked out by the bus loop at the Beamsville stop. “I’d be so scared going around this circle,” she said. But as before, they were no big deal to Dale. He pointed out that there are three of them in Niagara Falls.
Next, she talked about some woman she knows. “She has Italian in her,” she said before noting that she was packing a few more pounds than Dale. “I’m not skinny like you,” she said. Then she moved on to a bad experience she had on an e-bike. “I tried an e-bike once and I flew off it. I wasn’t even on it,” she said. But then the baby in her carrier started crying. She tried calming Baby, who was apparently female, but nothing seemed to work. “Baby, I know it’s a long ride,” she said.
Baby’s mother and Dale’s significant other then began complaining that she has a headache. It was no wonder considering the loud music she was playing on her phone. But turning the volume down did not seem to be an option.
5. “This is a co-pilot PC announcement test,” came across the intercom as we approached the Beamsville stop. Perhaps it had something to do with Dale’s significant other’s fear of roundabouts.
6. Outside the Walmart next to the Burlington GO station was a bum sitting inside a shopping cart.
7. Inside the washroom at the Burlington GO station was a scruffy dude sporting a well-worn Tiger-Cats cap who was chatting with his imaginary friend while taking a piss.
8. While waiting at Burlington, a customer service rep made an announcement that the train would be arriving on platform 3. No, Union-bound trains come on track 3. The platforms are for the buses.
9. So nice of the fine folks at Metrolinx to devise another costly ad campaign to tell me that I’m not a train . . .
10. In line in front of me waiting to buy tickets at the CNE was a couple of women who were having a hell of a time trying to explain to the Asian guy in the booth how much change they should get. Good help is hard to find.
11. Quack . . .
12. The “Z” lighthouse . . .
13. Not that I wanted to avail myself of any of the culinary treats along the midway, but here’s a sample of some of the prices visitors can expect to pay:
- Real fruit popsicles for $7.
- A lightsaber cotton candy stick for $20.
- Pineapple or watermelon smoothies for $13.25.
- Sugar cane juice for $10.60.
- A jumbo corn dog for $12. The regular size is “only” $8.
- Deep fried Twinkies for $8.
- Funnel cake for $10.
- Deep fried Oreos for $10.
13a. I don’t know how much I’d have to be paid to eat a corn dog.
14. Walking down the midway was a black guy wearing a T-shirt with the message, “I never liked you.”
15. Outside the Enercare Center . . .
16. My kind of vendor . . .
17. Bags of magic oats?
18. Not taking hard drugs saves even more lives, a little detail that seems to escape the bleeding-heart liberals who want us to care more about the junkies than they do. If the junkies don’t care about themselves, why should I? No one has a right to expect strangers to care more about your own health than you do.
19. Somewhere over the rainbow . . .
There was even a rainbow-colored slide on the midway . . .
19a. There was something oddly fitting about there being a bar at the end of the rainbow-colored crosswalk.
20. Perhaps not surprisingly, there was no poison clinic in the Enercare Center this year. Even last year, they weren’t exactly doing a booming business.
21. Scenes along the midway:
22. The party’s here . . .
23. While ordering at the Swiss Chalet, once again, I had more difficulty getting through to the clerk when speaking in the Canadian language than I did in Quebec speaking French. This is getting old.
24. In line behind me was a DWAM who took down his mask before approaching the counter. And while eating, a couple of DWAMs took a seat across the table from me and took off their masks before digging into their meals. Good to know that viruses don’t spread when ordering food or while eating.
24a. Are people really that stupid? Answering my own question, yes, they are.
25. Walking through the food building was a chunky woman wearing a tight T-shirt with the message, “Think happy thoughts.” She undoubtedly has her happiest thoughts while at the Dairy Queen.
26. Be even more “greatfull” when you have a dictionary . . .
27. While sitting down, a black kid walked past, waved at me and said, “Ba!” And “Ba!” to you too.
28. I found this display from the soccerette people rather nauseating. If anyone cared about it, they would need to bitch about funding and they’ll get paid on par with their male counterparts when they can play at the same level. Even in the big leagues, the better players get paid more, as they should. That’s the way it works in the real world.
29. Interesting T-shirt, though not as applicable these days. The police are now trained to save the asses of their political masters, not yours, and the medical profession is more concerned about the health of the pharmaceutical companies’ bottom line.
30. The administration building:
31. Geese on the loose . . .
32. Inside the arts & crafts building was a guy wearing a T-shirt with the message, “Jesus says sound the alarm.”
33. Sand sculpture inside the farm building:
34. Don’t have a cow, man . . .
35. But the dipshits won’t get the “protection” they need if everyone stays quiet . . .
36. I’ve been to Niagara Falls. It doesn’t look like this. Trust me on this one.
37. Take a “flyer” on visiting the CNE . . .
38. In the international pavilion was a young Caucasian girl wearing a skimpy halter top working for a Pakistani vendor. I’ve never been to Pakistan, but I’ll go out on a limb and suggest the women there aren’t dressed that way. At least those whose husbands so graciously allow them to work.
39. Seated in front of me on the train in my return trip was a guy who called someone named John and talked about all the wine tasting he did, but missed out on the beer tasting. Yet he didn’t get a good sleep last night and was tired. Later, he went across the aisle and asked a woman for help on how to send a link as a text message. Good thing he didn’t ask me, since I’ve never sent a text in my life before. Well, not one through a smartphone anyway.
40. Near the Long Branch station was a Tree Protection Zone set up by the City of Toronto. Sounds like an initiative the newly appointed CCP operative who occupies the office of mayor would be proud to call her own.
41. Seated on a bench at the Port Credit station was some guy playing an accordion.
42. Disembarking at Burlington was a black guy wearing a T-shirt with the message “Off White” plastered all over it.
43. Message posted outside the Burlington GO station . . .
44. While waiting for the bus to leave Burlington, some dude walking down the sidewalk forcefully hurled a pop or a beer can at the side of a parked Burlington Transit Handi-Van. A heated exchanged ensued when the driver got out to confront the guy, who took off across the street, but not before the driver took a picture of him.
45. Despite the loud music someone was playing on the bus, two Middle Eastern guys seated across the aisle from me were fast asleep and snoring by the time we got to Grimsby.
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