The Garden City Refugee

On the Road – Platform Pigeons, Religious Burgers, Italian Broccoli and More

May 1, 2022

Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s visit to the universe’s center:

1. En route to the bus stop at Fairview Mall, I passed by a school offering a summer forest camp. Just in case there are parents who want to send their kids to camp in a summer forest.

2. Also en route, I spotted the tattered remnants of a resume someone left on the sidewalk. After graduating from Sir Guy Carleton, this individual worked as a stockperson and cart pusher for several years at two different grocery stores before moving up the ladder to a sales associate at Value Village. Following a 13-year gap in his work history, he was a kettle worker for the Salvation Army this past December, which indicates he has taken at least two injections of the government’s poison as they won’t accept you without having played a real-life game of Russian roulette. During his career, he handled customer inquiries and directed them to the right departments, provided excellent conflict resolutions when customers had complaints and efficiently assisted customers in finding products or shelves. He also handled cart returns, put merchandise in proper positions within the store, put stock onto shelves and kept the shelves tidy and clean. He can push, pull, bend, crouch and lift up to 50 pounds and proudly boasts of being able to maintain customer satisfaction through positive application of tactfulness and assertiveness.

I think it’s safe to assume he didn’t come up with all that flowery wording on his own.

3. Left on the ground in front of my seat on the bus was half an orange that had been eaten. Don’t these buses get cleaned overnight? This isn’t Winnipeg Transit, where such things are par for the course.

4. In front of the guy seated across the aisle from me was a sticker with “VSAJ” on it. It means something to someone.

5. New on the buses since my last voyage are seat belts and shoulder straps along with USB ports on the back of every seat. According to the stickers next to each window seat, buckling up is now the law. Tell you what, Doug. When you start showing some modicum of respect for the Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the Criminal Code of Canada, not to mention multiple international treaties to which Canada is a signatory, I’ll think about complying with your new law. And judging from the 100% non-compliance among the other passengers, I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way.

6. Speaking of non-compliance, did you know that you are not required to provide evidence of how you qualify for an exemption under People’s Commissar Ford’s mask edict? I was far from the only one on this day to take advantage of the loophole in his mandate/decree/proclamation. As I’ve said before, this ends when we stop complying.

7. Passing the bus near Stoney Creek was a van from Excel Environmental. It reminded me of a past job in which an obnoxious colleague would use Excel to do everything but cook his breakfast. He didn’t find it all that funny when I half-jokingly suggested that he could get away with having only one icon, Excel, off his Start menu.

8. The term “ambulance chaser” comes to mind . . .

9. When de-bussing at Burlington, I noticed someone a few rows behind me who was fast asleep. One has to wonder if he missed his stop along the way. Whatever the case, it wasn’t my problem.

10. Inside the terminal at Burlington was a black guy with dreadlocks toting several grocery bags and not one, but two canes. Perhaps he was the one who consumed the contents of the can of Tripleshot left on a nearby bench, a concoction of “energy” and coffee from Starbucks that would probably leave you bouncing off the walls for hours.

11. While waiting for the train, some guy on the platform decided to hurl a big gob of spit on the tracks. How very, um, mature.

12. If you need signs like this to warn you about high-speed trains while standing alongside three train tracks, you shouldn’t be left alone without adult supervision.

13. Nauseating ads from Metrolinx. There was another that stated, “Wear a face covering. Heroes wear one. You should too.” Amid all the economic devastation our governments have caused over the past two-plus years (and are still causing), this is where our hard-earned tax dollars are going. So much for the “efficiencies” promised by People’s Commissar Ford four years ago.

 

14. Soon after leaving Burlington, there was an announcement that the elevators were out of service at Oakville and that anyone needing them should exit the train at Bronte. What good is exiting the train at Bronte going to do for anyone in a wheelchair who needs to get somewhere near the Oakville station?

15. Near the Oakville station was a restaurant called “The Burger’s Priest.” Is this for Catholic burgers?

16. In the washroom in the Bay concourse was a guy posing for a selfie in front of the mirror. Later, after returning to Union, there was a male and a female voice coming from a stall. Get a room.

17. I’ve got better things to do with $35 . . .

18. Inside St. Lawrence Market was a place offering sandwiches made with mole chicken. Chickens that had a mole before being slaughtered?

19. Other sightings in St. Lawrence Market:

• Someone wearing a “Raw Milk Rockstar” T-shirt.
• Someone wearing a hoodie from The Ohio State University, of which the late WHA Hall of Fame founder Tim Gassen was a proud alumnus. It has been more than two and a half years since his untimely passing.
• An apron with the slogan, “Today’s Menu: Take it or leave it.”
• A meat place with a sign advertising that they are now taking holiday orders. Well, are they selling meat or holidays?

20. On Front Street, I passed by someone wearing a hoodie with “Easily Distracted by Dogs” on it.

21. Not far from this sighting, I passed by some sort of Arabic grocery store. Outside, it smelled like a giant fart.

22. A walkthrough of the trendy Distillery District:

23. Truer words were never written . . .

24. Something we haven’t been getting from our governments, the mainstream media and the medical community . . .

25. A walkthrough and a still shot from Underpass Park:

26. More support for the cause . . .

27. Skyline shot from the east . . .

28. These stuffed animals need masks on the bus as much as you do . . .

29. Italian broccoli?

30. Conveniently awaiting the next junkie . . .

31. Cabbagetown Yoga. Fitting in a neighborhood where there are two dogs for every human.

32. Pig out at Riverdale Farm . . .

33. Spotted in Cabbagetown was someone wearing a T-shirt with “I’ve been bullied for four years and it’s not fun” written on it. Many of us have been bullied, but few decide to plaster the details on a T-shirt.

34. I was going to stop for a break at the cafe inside the Loblaws at Maple Leaf Gardens. That is, until I saw that it had become a Starbucks. Though I badly needed a rest, I moved on.

35. I spotted a number of these around town . . .

36. I passed someone inside Eaton Center wearing a mask with “OBEY” written across her hoodie. Fortunately, more and more Canadians aren’t obeying and are instead joining the resistance.

37. A walkthrough of the waterfront area . . .

38. Inside the store at the NHL Hall of Political Correctness was a wooden plaque with “Dallas Stars est. 1967” written on it. The North Stars were established in 1967 and didn’t move to Dallas until 1993. It reminded me of the five-year anniversary logo the Fighting Moose had at center ice featuring the slogan “Made in Canada.” The franchise was founded in Minnesota and moved to Winnipeg after two seasons there.

39. Outside the store was a Jets display featuring an old Thomas Steen jersey and this mini AVCO Cup from the 1976 championship team. My next book, which I’m hoping to have out later this year, is a work of historical fiction in which that team is prominently featured. Stay tuned.

40. Where’s the door for half food?

41. A stress tester for the benches in the York concourse . . .

42. Seated nearby was someone wearing a Nordiques sweater. He sat across the aisle from me on the train and also exited at Burlington.

43. Also seated nearby was a woman in her early 40s who was, like, giving a confessional to someone next to her. She spoke of her beliefs and what she, like, believes about herself, her emotions and, like, memories and how they translate into how she feels about this country. After every session, she was never, like, resistant. In her relationship, she was feeling shame for feeling lonely and for 11 years, she wasn’t, like, the attached one. She was, like, shy and complained of the, like, very unhealthy patterns. She went on to talk about how she had to pick one memory, then her therapist put her in meditation. The one memory she described was as an eight-year-old when she visited Florida with her parents. Before leaving to catch a Lakeshore East train, she said that she had a lot of rejection from the guys in her life. For the life of me, I, like, can’t understand why.

43a. While she was regurgitating all of this, I was smelling the foul odor of an Egg McMuffin someone sitting to my right was munching on. To say the least, it did not tempt me to go order one of my own.

44. The weekend trains, which previously ran hourly, are now back to running every half hour. Judging from the increase in the number of passengers and passengerettes, people are indeed moving on from this free trial of communism.

44a. Doing my taxes recently, I was asked if I had been confined to a prison during 2021. Every Canadian can truthfully answer “yes” to that question.

45. As someone who actually pays fare, unlike most in my former home city, I appreciate the work the fare inspectors do, but they do not need to be standing in the middle of the doors with their back to the mass crush of humanity waiting to board the Lakeshore West train.

46. A woman in her mid-20s who exited the train at Port Credit was filming herself as she was walking down the platform. As one loyal reader put it, get over yourself.

47. Past the Centennial Parkway exit, a black SUV from the SPRM passed our bus. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. That place does keep following me around.

48. At Grimsby, a group headed toward Burlington came out of the shelter and asked the driver of our bus with a big lighted “NIAGARA FALLS” sign out front if he was going to Burlington. Sure, get on board. I’ll head back there and drop you off before taking the rest of the group back toward Niagara. Because it’s you.

49. This weirdo was hanging out at Lake Street and wandering into traffic as the bus passed by. Somehow he avoided being killed.

50. Someone at Fairview Mall was wearing a T-shirt with the slogan, “Roses are red. I’m going to bed.”

51. In the food court were long lines at Burger King and even at Manchu Wok. But no one was waiting at the Middle Eastern place. Hmmm.

52. Outside was a guy wearing a Montreal Canadiens jersey sitting on a bench using chopsticks to eat a meal out of the front of a shopping cart. You can’t make stuff like this up.

53. As I was walking home, I spotted a guy in a motorized wheelchair who thought it was better to eschew the sidewalk and go elbow-to-elbow with the many cars on a very busy Geneva Street. Just after he threw his mask into the street, he faced a teenage kid on roller skates who also thought it was better to avoid the empty sidewalk and take his chances with the cars. It would have been somewhat fitting if these two idiots had collided, but Wheelchair Guy blinked and wheeled himself further into traffic to let the kid go by.

54. Socks and other assorted junk . . .