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Ulterior Motives

October 18, 2024

Whatever they do, politicians at all levels across the country are often accused of having ulterior motives. And that’s because, so often, it’s true. They look out for themselves instead of the best interests of their constituents.

Take, for example, the recent announcement from Mat Siscoe, who occupies the office of mayor here in St. Catharines. He’s launching a series of town hall meetings across the city. Selling it like he’s doing us a favor, when in reality, the opposite is true. Let us examine, shall we, the press release and decipher the real meaning behind the polished wording cleverly crafted by the city’s communications department and his office.

townhallSTC: Bringing Government To Your Ward’s Doorstep

The Mayor’s Office is excited to launch townhallSTC, a dedicated platform designed for the residents of Grantham Ward to voice their concerns, engage with the Mayor, and connect with their Ward Councillors.

Translation: On the heels of all the heat I’ve been getting, especially after that DEI Town Hall fiasco, I’ve got to hold my nose, get out there and try as best I can to convince people that I’m really an awesome guy and something less than a major embarrassment to the city. And what better way than to kick off my re-election campaign on their dime. There is, after all, another election coming up in a couple of years’ time and right now, I’m a sitting duck if someone credible steps forward to run against me. By getting out there now, I might be able to nip this in the bud.

This event is designed to foster open communication and collaboration between residents and their local government officials, and aims to empower residents and ensure their voices are integral to the decision-making process that shapes the future of Grantham Ward. We encourage all residents of Grantham Ward to attend this important meeting. Your insights and concerns are vital to enhancing the quality of life in our community. Together, let’s work towards positive change!

Translation: I need as many of my far-left radical followers as possible to come out and sing my praises. Make it look like I’m actually somewhat popular.

Please note: All attendees are expected to follow a code of conduct to ensure a respectful and productive environment.

1. Respectful Communication: Please treat everyone with respect. Interruptions will not be tolerated, and anyone who disrupts the conversation will be asked to leave.

Translation: Disagreeing with me will not be tolerated and anyone who does will be asked to leave. And I mean it. Just ask that guy who spoke up at the DEI Town Hall. When I talk about inclusion, I don’t mean people like him.

2. Time Management: Each speaker will have 5 minutes to share their insights. We want to hear from as many voices as possible, so please stick to the time limit.

Translation: You can ramble on as long as you want as long as you’re making me look good. Otherwise, we’ll just shut the microphone off. I’ll have the power button in my hand, and believe me, I won’t hesitate to use it.

3. No Disruptions: Disruptive behavior, including shouting or personal attacks, will not be accepted. We want a safe and constructive environment for everyone.

Translation: By “disruptive behavior and personal attacks,” I mean anyone who advocates for fiscal responsibility and disagrees with DEI. And by DEI, I mean Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, not Deport Every Illegal.

4. Follow Up: If you have further questions or concerns after the meeting, please reach out to us at mayor-at-stcatharines.ca.

Translation: If it makes you feel good, go ahead and craft a nice long email, but unless you have something good to say, don’t hold your breath waiting for a reply. It’s a filtered address, you know, and I do use that filter.

Do I have to pre-register?

Pre-registration is optional; however, if you indicate that you would like to speak at the microphone when you register, you will be prioritized for speaking time.

Will there be security at the event?

Yes, there will be security present at the townhallSTC meeting to ensure a safer and respectful environment for all attendees.

Translation: Pre-registration enables me to keep track of troublemakers and dissenters and to know how many goons I need to have on hand to escort them off the premises.

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