On the Road – Daredevil Cyclists, Gay Winter Wear, Sad Phones and More
October 22, 2024
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s bus trip to and from the Falls:
1. Upon my arrival at Fairview Mall, I noticed three big burly dudes, each covered in tattoos, walking out of the Fit 4 Less. No doubt they had just finished a workout. Keeping fit and healthy must be important to them, I thought. Then each of them lit a cigarette before getting into a car. Oy.
2. Soon after, a scruffy bum came by wheeling a bike with a flat front tire, swearing up a storm as he walked past the bus stop on his way toward the mall while scratching his ass. Angry that the mall wasn’t yet open, he did an about-face and walked around the south side.
3. As the GO bus pulled away from Fairview Mall, there was an automated announcement asking passengers to be sure to take their trash with them or dispose of it properly. While I support the no-litter campaign, this doesn’t absolve Metrolinx for not cleaning buses overnight. Time and again, I’ve been on buses on their first run of the morning with all sorts of junk left behind from the previous day.
4. Seated behind me was a DWAM™ who made sure to take down her dipshit mask before getting up and exiting the bus at Niagara College. She proceeded to walk over to the parking lot where she got into the passenger’s seat of a waiting car, closed the door, then put her dipshit mask back up.
5. At the corner of 420 & Stanley was a landscaper wearing a dipshit mask while trimming some bushes. Outside. Such sightings make one lose faith in humanity.
6. This chubby dude balancing an overstuffed garbage bag on his handlebars somehow managed to avoid getting himself vaccinated as he blew through a red light at the busiest intersection in Niagara Falls.
7. After Justin’s adoptive father had imposed the Metric system on Canadians decades ago, I wasn’t aware that it was still legal to refer to anything in miles . . .
8. I ♥ funnel cakes . . .
9. I found this display outside Fallsview Casino a little, well, odd . . .
10. Spotted checking out of the Hilton across the street was a family of Hutterites. Hutterites and a swanky Hilton. What’s wrong with this picture?
11. Working behind the front desk was yet another DWAM™. Part of me wanted to go up and ask her why she’s wearing that dipshit mask. Not that I would have gotten a good answer.
12. For those in the market for gay cookies . . .
13. Dear Skylon Tower: Isn’t it about time you took down these signs? This isn’t a thing. In fact, it never was a thing. Anthony Fauci, the former NIAID director, chief medical advisor to the president and one of the chief architects of the war, even came out and admitted he just made it up.
14. What better way to show your support for local businesses than by buying something made in India?
15. Gay winter wear . . .
16. I don’t know how much I would have to be paid to walk around with something bearing the CBC logo . . .
17. Don’t mind the windy weather. Just climb up on that rocky ledge at the edge of the gorge because you need to get that perfect shot of the falls . . .
18. Walking along the Niagara River Parkway was a guy wearing a T-shirt with the message, “Occupy Mars.”
19. A little farther north, I listened as a woman pointed across the river and said to her husband, “There’s people over there.” No shit.
20. Nearby, I was talking to someone from PEI who had a professional quality camera perched on a long tripod. I pointed out some good spots for him to get pictures, but also encouraged him to walk across the bridge to the state park, which he said he was going to do. So even though I didn’t go to the Great State of New York on this trip, I rounded up another visitor for them.
21. Near the zipline, some dude wearing a pink hoodie stopped me.
“Is that a Quebec Nordiques hat?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Did you hear that they’re bringing them back?”
“No.”
“There’s going to be an announcement in the next 60 days.”
“I don’t buy it.”
“That’s OK. But I can get you season tickets. Email me at [email address redacted].”
After I sat down nearby and took out my notepad, he said, “I’ll bet the Habs win this season.”
21a. When I got home, a DuckDuckGo search of the guy’s name revealed a self-published memoir about drugs, psych wards and recovery. Somehow that didn’t surprise me.
22. While at Tim Davinder Hortons (I still have loads of money left on that gift card I was given), some guy walked in and began talking to a woman at a nearby table while he was in line. “You’re an idiot if you get the shot,” he said. “This was all planned. They had a billion masks ready. It’s impossible to make them that fast.” The woman then said that her 42-year-old friend has heart problems. “There’s going to be some more bullshit in three years,” he said before ordering.
23. Give us this day our daily bread . . .
24. Too bad they don’t offer dictionaries to go along with that “stationary” . . .
25. How sad . . .
26. Use a parking meter to vent your anger . . .
27. Free clothing and shoes left outside Third Space Cafe . . .
28. What a nice welcome for tourists in the washroom at the Niagara Falls Bus Terminal . . .
29. Also at the bus terminal was a young Asian kid wearing socks with the slogan, “I can slap 8 people at once.”
30. Boarding the GO bus was a woman with a hearing ear guide dog at her side who asked the driver if he was going to Niagara College. He said he was, so she took a seat, then stayed on and exited at Fairview Mall.
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