Dear Crabby: Honest Joe
July 9, 2024
Dear Crabby:
Like many, I was watching the presidential debate. I know Joe Biden looked awful. He’s way too old to be doing that job. The Democrats really need to come up with someone younger. But at least he’s honest. Donald Trump is a womanizer. If he gets back in, women will lose all their rights. I worry about what’s going to happen in November. What can I do?
– Worried in St. Catharines
Dear Worried:
How can I put this delicately. Well, I can’t. Probably because I’ve never been known for my tact. So I’ll just say it as bluntly as I can. You’ve been brainwashed. Honestly, I can’t see much hope for people like you. But if there is any possibility for your recovery, you need to start by stop watching CBC. CNN too. All mainstream media, really. Better yet, just cancel your TV subscription altogether. That way, you won’t be tempted to keep subjecting yourself to their never-ending stream of lies and propaganda. And you save a shitload of money while you’re at it. It’s a win-win. You’ll probably find it tough at first. People like you are akin to druggies who keep needing a fix. But quitting cold turkey is the only way. Trust me. Some day, you’ll thank me.
Now don’t get me wrong. Trump is not an all-star human being. He’s a loudmouth. And he gets around just as much as Bill Clinton did when he was in the White House. I can’t imagine the number of Monica Lewinskys who have been screwing presidents over the years, including Trump. But when I go to the ballot box, I’m not looking for a personal friend. I vote for who I think will be the best man or woman for the job. And for the most part, Trump did what he said he was going to do, which is more than I can say for most politicians. Furthermore, during his four years in the Oval Office, women were not marched off to concentration camps or chained to their vacuum cleaners and forced to keep house while their husbands went off to work. In fact, there wasn’t one single right they lost. By the way, you know his press secretary was a woman, right?
Now maybe Biden isn’t the womanizer that Trump is. I really don’t know. I suspect he isn’t, since I can’t imagine a geriatric dementia patient who’s losing control of his bowels being terribly attractive to members of the opposite sex. The smell of shit kind of spoils the mood, you know. But what do I know? Some people have different fetishes and really get off on that stuff. And you know the last presidential election was stolen, right? Biden doesn’t have any more legitimate claim to the presidency than you or I do.
In any event, though I’m sure our neighbors to the south (or here in Niagara, to the east) really appreciate your concern, please bear in mind that all this drama is taking place in another country and neither of us have a ballot. Well, I suppose you could get one by flying to Mexico, putting on a sombrero, sneaking across the border and mumbling a few words of Spanish to the people at the polling station. But that’s a lot of work to go through, and it’s not as though the Democrats really need the help in states like California anyway, where they could put my neighbor’s yappy dogs on the ticket and still win comfortably.
If you ask me, and you did, I’d be a lot more concerned about what’s going on here in Canada. We are currently being ruled by an unhinged dictator who got into power thanks to the Chinese Communist Party and is on a mission to deliberately destroy the country. The damage he’s done is incalculable and will take generations to repair. I would respectfully suggest he should be of much more concern to Canadians than what’s going on in the US.
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