On the Road – Sleeping Passengers, Gay Shopping Bags, Super Dipshits and More
July 4, 2024
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s excursion to and from the universe’s center:
1. Parking fail at Fairview Mall . . .
2. A community resident bum decked out in a Kenora dinner jacket fast asleep inside the shelter at the Fairview Mall bus stop . . .
3. Seated across the aisle from me on the GO bus was a Jagmeet Singh look-alike wearing a red turban and a Tim Hortons T-shirt who made an effort to go up top and sit in the front row only to spend much of the ride to Burlington with his head hanging down and catching a few winks. I know I’ve said it before, but if all you want to do is sleep during the ride, why take up a prime seat when you can find a spot near the back where you won’t be disturbed?
4. Though I would spot a few in and around Toronto, there wasn’t a single DWAM™ on the bus to Burlington or on the train to Union.
5. At Union were lines 10-20 deep of commuters at the fare gates waiting to get into the subway. So I walked around the corner where the gates were empty, tapped my Presto card and walked down the stairs to catch the #1 Yonge line. Shrug.
6. New on the subway was a pair of community safety ambassadors.
7. In the subway were multiple ads from Felix Health, which provides weight loss treatments. Own your weight loss journey, they say. Weight loss treatment isn’t cheating. That weight loss treatment is a thing says something about us as a society, but would-be customers might be better served in the long run by just simply skipping their daily visit to the Dairy Queen or McDonald’s.
8. Gay shopping bags at Ikea. They were also promoting the gay cake they were selling in the Swedish restaurant in support of the Rainbow Crossing. Or something like that. Enough already. I support your right to do whatever you want behind closed doors, but stop shoving your gayness down my throat.
9. Walking past me in the subway on my return trip was a couple of young girls, one black, one Asian, arm in arm. After they took a seat nearby, the black girl, who had pink fingernails, was looking at herself using her phone’s camera while applying even more lipstick. No doubt the two of them proudly tote those gay shopping bags around every time they visit Ikea.
10. Boarding at the Lawrence station was a DWAM™ wearing a T-shirt with the message, “I belong to Sinai Health.” No, if you’re still wearing a dipshit mask, you belong in a mental institution.
11. There was the customary announcement soon after my Lakeshore West train left Union, but the customer service ambassador failed to give us his name, only identifying himself as “your customer service ambassador.” Such an egregious violation of Metrolinx policy is surely grounds for immediate dismissal.
12. The slightly new look of the display boards at Burlington. The boards at Union also offer status updates on any delays throughout the network.
13. Also new at Burlington were the new lockable cage-like doors leading to the washroom, presumably to keep the riffraff out late at night.
14. In front of me in line waiting for the bus at Burlington was someone named Lydia Torres, who wrote her name and email address in large font on a piece of silver masking tape and stuck it to the side of her suitcase.
15. Illegible ramblings by the front window . . .
16. Boarding at Stoney Creek was a woman wearing a tank top and cap, each with GERMANY plastered over them. If it’s so great in Germany, why come here?
17. Walking past the Game Stop on the way home, I spotted two teenage girls wearing high-grade N95 masks walking into the store. They obviously weren’t regular dipshits, they were super dipshits. Just like Wile E. Coyote is a super genius.
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