Grumpy Blond Girl and, Like, Bearded Dude
October 18, 2023
Most every visit to, like, Balzac’s in NOTL proves to be an interesting experience. This one would be no exception.
Like, Balzac’s Coffee Roasters.
Walking in the back door, I was stunned to see what appeared to be a male employee behind the counter alongside Grumpy Blond Girl. I had always thought it was, like, a condition of employment to be a woman in order to work there. Perhaps he’s transitioning or identifies as female. Or maybe it’s a case of legitimately having to expand their options. Good help is hard to find, as evidenced by the “help wanted” signs prominently placed at both entrances.
Attired in a black hoodie and sporting straggly, dirty hair to go with a beard, he served me and didn’t balk when I paid with cash. He’s obviously new. Not many pay with cash there. Cards and phones only, even for the smallest purchases with the, like, Balzac’s crowd. Then he went off to tend to something elsewhere in the empty shop. He asked Grumpy Blond Girl if there are, like, special dinner napkins. Back behind the counter, he tried to familiarize himself with the options on the cash register. Some of them are, like, question marks, he mused. He’s new, but he clearly had the, like, Balzac’s vernacular down. That must be how he got the job, despite the obvious gender disadvantage.
After a customer so rudely interrupted their chatter, Bearded Dude asked Grumpy Blond Girl if she, like, grew up around here. She said she grew up on a nearby farm, but then her parents moved to the city. He grew up on a peach farm on, like, Irvine Road. It’s, like, near McNab, he said. She said that her parents, like, worked for her grandparents’ company, but they, like, sold out. It was, like, so stressful, she said.
Following the appearance of another latte-seeking customer, Grumpy Blond Girl asked Bearded Dude if he had ever played the board game Avian. Or Avalon. Whichever one it was, he said he hadn’t. He asked if it was, like the Settlers of Catan with, like, characters like the Knights of the Round Table. She said there were characters like Merlin. But some people get, like, upset when playing because you’re trying to, like, convince other people that you’re not who you are. Kind of, like, that game Mafia, he mused. But no, she replied. It’s, like, funny. There’s cards and you, like, reveal the answers. It’s fun, she said, if everyone is, like, light-hearted about it. It’s, like, really interesting. But they only play on, like, family get-togethers.
Breaking up the board game dissertation was a customer who walked in and ordered a medium nonfat sugar-free latte that set him back $7.05. Naturally, he paid with a card. Because that’s what you do at, like, Balzac’s. But that didn’t slow down Grumpy Blond Girl, who seemed blissfully unaware of how, like, stupid she sounded. Even before the guy left the store, she said she went somewhere to, like, chill out yesterday. Then she went on to talk about how her father was, like, really into real estate. It all started when he, like, sold the country house and, like, downsized. He has a, like, big house with, like, four apartments. He wants to do some, like, renovations. But it costs, like, a lot of money. He’s looking for family to, like, help him invest in the property so he can get renters. As Bearded Dude noted, if you’re a renter, you’re, like, paying someone else’s mortgage.
Though they didn’t appear to be would-be investors, she has two sisters, one of whom studied, like, social work at Laurier and started working at a, like, women’s shelter. The other sister, following a year at Niagara College, works at a hair salon and does Grumpy Blond Girl’s hair. Grumpy Blond Girl said she has toyed around with the idea of, like, dyeing her hair multiple colors.
Just like she can’t finish a sentence without using her favorite word multiple times.
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