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The Niagara Health Oxymoron

March 29, 2023

For anyone considering applying at Niagara Health, an organization in the midst of a self-inflicted staffing crisis, this is how a typical interview there might go. Just to save any such person the time and bother of going through the process.

HR: So tell me why you want to work at Niagara Health.

Applicant: I want to help people. And what better way than in health care. Where people need help the most. With a dynamic organization like Niagara Health which promotes inclusion. I strongly believe that everyone should be welcome and no one should be left behind.

HR: That’s great to hear. Do you identify as a member of an equity-seeking group, an Indigenous person, a person with disabilities, a person of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities or any other group which may contribute to the further diversification of ideas?

Applicant: Sadly, I don’t, though I absolutely support Niagara Health’s commitment to diversity. Diversity is strength.

HR: Wonderful. As you are aware, we are respectful and accommodating to all. We go above and beyond to ensure everyone’s equal participation in the recruitment and selection process in accordance with the Ontario Human Rights Code.

Applicant: Niagara Health sounds like an organization I definitely want to be a part of.

HR: Super. Can you please tell me about your strengths as they relate to this position?

Applicant: I have a proven track record in the health care industry as a team player providing exceptional customer service to clients. I have an excellent attendance record, as my previous employers will all attest. And I’ve used critical thinking along with my extensive practical experience in solving problems.

HR: Great. Critical thinking is a key component of this position. Sounds like you’d be a good fit for us. Just to cover all the bases, I assume you’re aware that Niagara Health requires all employees to be fully vaccinated against COVID-19?

Applicant: Oh? I thought those mandates had ended long ago.

HR: Niagara Health maintains this requirement in order to protect patients and staff. COVID-19 is still very much out there and people expect us to be at the forefront in the fight against this virus.

Applicant: But it’s no worse than a bad flu, and in any event, those shots that were rushed to market and not properly tested are proving to be more dangerous than the virus they were supposed to protect us from. More and more evidence is coming out every day. I was watching Monday Night Football when Damar Hamlin collapsed. And I know a number of people personally who have died shortly after taking them.

HR: It’s all just coincidence. Any link to the vaccines is misinformation not supported by science. There have been only a handful of adverse reactions to the vaccines and none of them serious. Health Canada assures us that the vaccines are safe and effective. They have saved countless numbers of lives.

Applicant: Saving lives? Your emergency room and cancer ward are overloaded with people whose immune systems have been compromised by those so-called “vaccines.”

HR: What we’re seeing are the effects of long COVID and, of course, climate change. Climate change is an existential threat that we take very seriously here at Niagara Health. That’s why people need to be up to date on their vaccinations. From your comments, I take it you have not been fully vaccinated?

Applicant: Of course not. As I said, I’m a critical thinker. I’m naturally wary of anything the government is pushing. The government doesn’t launch ad campaigns to convince people to take, say, their blood pressure medication.

HR: Forgive me for being frank, but it sounds like you need to brush up on your critical thinking skills. Public health’s only interest is in eradicating this deadly virus, protecting people and getting us back to normal as quickly as possible. The best and only way is to ensure as many people as possible are vaccinated. So we won’t be able to proceed with your application without proof of vaccination.

Applicant: I thought you said Niagara Health was respectful and accommodating.

HR: Well, do you have a medical exemption? An allergy perhaps?

Applicant: Yes, I’m allergic to myocarditis, heart attacks, strokes and death.

HR: Please stop being melodramatic.

Applicant: What about the Ontario Human Rights Code?

HR: That does not apply in this case.

Applicant: So much for inclusion.

HR: We are inclusive of all who are fully vaccinated. I’m sorry, but I have other applicants to interview. Good luck in your job search.

Niagara Health. An oxymoron.

A cross between an ox and a moron. Stubborn and stupid.

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