The Garden City Refugee

On the Road – Missing Boot Devices, Skateboarding Texters, Scruffy Washroom Dudes and More

September 21, 2022

Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s visit to the universe’s center:

1. Waiting at Fairview Mall, I saw a woman without a mask getting off a St. Catharines Transit bus. And before getting on the GO bus, she put one on. Apparently viruses aren’t transmittable on St. Catharines Transit buses, but they are on GO. Who knew?

2. For those who needed to know the next stop, reboot and select proper boot device . . .

3. Boarding at Beamsville was someone named Daniel who had a name tag stuck to his flowery T-shirt. As if we needed to know who he was.

4. Seated near the front of the upper level was someone who thought the entire bus needed to listen to some CNN hack interview a diplomat about the war in Ukraine. The only respite we received during the hour-long ride came when he paused the video to take a call as the bus pulled into the Stoney Creek stop.

5. Just as he took this call, I spotted a car with an SPRM plate turning onto Centennial Parkway. Once again, that place keeps following me around.

6. The noise from the guy’s phone failed to disturb the beauty sleep of someone across the aisle who had his head perched against the window and both of his feet on top of his backpack.

7. New at the Stoney Creek stop was a tent someone had pitched and was currently occupying.

8. Spotted in Burlington was a Mexican plate. Such a sighting is unusual at the best of times, but I shudder to think of how many poison injections the travelers had to take to get through two international borders.

9. On the platform at Burlington was a woman who was moaning about how emotionally exhausted she was.

10. Seated across the aisle from me on the train was a DWAM (Dipshit With A Mask) who was holding a fan powered from her phone in front of her face for several minutes. Later, after she opened her laptop, I noticed a piece of masking tape over the webcam on top of the screen. Apparently she was unaware as to how to (easily) disable it at the operating system level.

10a. The masking tape reminded me of my late grandfather, who would put masking tape over the remote control sensor on his television because he thought he was being watched.

11. Passing by Blondie’s restaurant in Oakville, I wondered why someone would name their establishment after Hitler’s dog.

12. Spotted on the Gardiner was a truck from Foam Comfort. It was another reminder of a past job in which an ambitious female colleague would stick two pieces of foam on her chest every casual Friday to impress her gray-haired male boss, who was easily suckered in by her advances.

13. Disembarking at Exhibition was a bearded guy in a suit who was busy texting as he got on his skateboard and rolled down the platform.

14. Now open in the Bay concourse in Union is a Decathlon store and a weed shop. One of out of two isn’t bad.

15. The number of DWAMs on the bus and train is steadily diminishing. But they’re still around. Because there’s no hope for most of them.

16. Sounds of the subway . . .

17. Plastered all over the Bloor-Yonge station were ads from Alberta. Alberta is calling, the slogan said. And inside the car I was in was another ad from Alberta that read, “Hey Toronto? What’s the most livable city in North America? Calgary.”

17a. When seeing the ads, I suspect most Torontonians would ask, “Where or what is an Alberta?”

18. I noted a TTC ad which stated that not all disabilities are visible. Such as stupidity, for instance.

19. Seated across from me on the subway was a black woman with her eyes closed while listening to something who kept alternately nodding her head up and down, then from side to side.

20. Spotted on Yonge Street was a woman wearing a navy blue sweatshirt with PINK written on it.

21. Also spotted on Yonge Street were boxes with copies of the Epoch Times. In Chinese.

22. Why would anyone want fried skewers?

23. Inside the Yonge Sheppard Center was a mobile poison clinic. One has to wonder why they’re still bothering to push the stuff. If you haven’t taken it by now, you’re not going to. Ever.

24. It was again nice of the TTC to provide heat in the subway car I was in on my return trip. Especially on a day when the humidex was pushing 30.

25. Seated in front of me was a college-age kid who was reading a textbook on his laptop and started a chapter on thermal comfort before getting off.

26. Seated on the other side of the kid was a DWAM who spent most of the ride to Union grabbing the fingers on his left hand one by one and twirling them.

27. At the Wellesley station was a DWAM with a rainbow-colored mask.

28. At the York concourse in Union, I stopped at the booth where they promoting rail safety week, picking up a free taxpayer-funded pen for my trouble. I again found it interesting that the same people supposedly looking out for our safety are the ones in real danger as they had to take poison injections to keep their jobs.

29. On the train, an older guy seated across the aisle spent much time digging for buried treasure in his nose before turning to his ear. He seemed disappointed with his haul in both orifices as he continued to read a badly yellowed newspaper.

30. Inside the station at Burlington was someone toting a bag with “Nothing Against the Suburbs” on it.

31. Inside the washroom at Burlington was a scruffy dude with a small bike alongside him who was standing at the sink unloading his worldly possessions from his backpack one by one. These possessions included a bottle of cologne, three credit cards and a fancy watch. After I left the washroom, he began singing.

Later, Scruffy Washroom Dude put on a mask and began riding his bike around the station, stopping at the elevator, where he went down and back up to the platform. After putting on a few miles riding up and down the platform, he returned to the station and outside toward Fairview Street, where he took off westbound down the sidewalk. I can only surmise that he went off in search of a service station, since he needed air in his back tire.

32. While this was going on, a black kid stood in the middle of the station, looked directly at me, smiled weirdly, then took off like a shot down the stairs toward the tunnel.

32a. This episode reminded me of an incident involving a former colleague many years ago who was known for bringing a sleeping bag to work. After I had left that job, I was walking down the street one day when I spotted him a block away. The second he spotted me, he took off like a shot in the opposite direction.

33. The vending machines I had noticed in my last trip were now operational, but much to my immense disappointment, they don’t accept cash.

Worse yet, even if I was willing to pay with credit or debit, they put an additional hold on your card. Which certainly makes sense when dealing with big-ticket items like a $2.50 Coke. Or not.

Safe as to say, should I find myself in need in a future trip, I’ll make the trek to the nearby Walmart. Where I can pay with cash. Or if I need to use credit or debit, they won’t put an additional hold on my card.

34. Elsewhere in the station, a woman was busy fixing up her hair, then looked at it using her phone as a mirror to make sure she hadn’t missed anything.

35. One of the many waiting for the bus was a scruffy guy with a handlebar mustache who was smoking something that wasn’t tobacco.

36. There was nearly a full bag of cheezies left at the Fairview Street/Maple Avenue stop.

37. Someone seated across the aisle spent much of the hour-long ride to St. Catharines jabbering away on his phone in some Middle Eastern language. No doubt he will be among many who can take comfort in the knowledge that he can join the Grantham Lions, as they accept Muslims, something the guy down the street made a point to tell me last week.

38. No doubt every vehicle in their fleet is painted in rainbow colors . . .