The Garden City Refugee

Return to the CNE

August 21, 2022

Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s return visit to the CNE:

1. On the day, I was able to ride the bus/train for free no additional charge as well as gain free admission to the CNE thanks to both organizations comping veterans attending the Warriors’ Day Parade. No, I have never served in the military, but the friend who I went with has, and he was able to bring a companion, namely me. So I was able to ride like a Winnipegger.

1a. Dear Metrolinx: When you offer such promotions, it would be nice if you would inform your staff rather than forcing people to have show screen shots from your own website. Drivers let us pass anyway, but we were made to feel like we were trying to get away with something.

2. En route to Fairview Mall, I spotted this sign from those looking to sell their epic yards . . .

3. Parked at the unofficial park and ride at Fairview Mall was a car with a bumper sticker that read, “You are free to choose, love or fear.”

4. Waiting at the bus stop was a collection of assorted overweight trailer trash with straggly beards and covered from head to toe in tattoos. Mixed in with this motley crew was a LFP (low-functioning person) who kept clapping his hands together at random intervals. This group must have taken the regional bus from Welland.

5. Whereas Saturday morning buses are usually deserted, my friend and I had a hard time finding seats, and people were standing by the time we got to Grimsby. It was no different on the train, where it was packed at Burlington, one of the first stops along the line. We were obviously not the only ones bound for the CNE.

6. I couldn’t imagine how painful it must have been for the young girl with purple hair who boarded at Grimsby to have her lower lip pierced so she could stick a metal ring in it.

7. More artists at the Burlington GO station . . .

8. Waiting on the platform at Burlington was a heavy-set guy wearing an “I ♥ Fonthill” hat.

9. Despite how packed the train was, my friend had to ask the young punkette seated next to the window to move her backpack before sitting down. Somehow I don’t think she paid an extra fare for the backpack.

10. Judging from the amount of blubber on both the bus and the train, Metrolinx would have made a fortune on the day if they had charged passengers by the pound instead of by the mile.

11. Not surprisingly, given the number of heavyweights on board combined with the heat, there was an unusual amount of B.O. in my car.

12. A middle-aged woman seated across the aisle kindly told us about the Christmas gift list she keeps on her phone with the approximate value of what she would be looking to spend on each person. She said it helps her to plan how much to save each month. For anyone looking to buy gifts for her, she said she’s easy to buy for since she talks so much about her passions. “If you don’t know, you’re not listening,” she said.

She went on to warn us to be careful when using dating sites. Someone she knows, however, just used one of them to find the physical distance between two places. Funny, I had never thought of a dating site as a substitute for Google Maps, but to each his or her own.

After telling us that she hates taking pictures when she’s moving, she’ll never watch Snakes on a Plane, aging sucks and that it had been five to six years since she had last taken this train, she began telling the 7-3/4-year-old kid sitting across from her who boarded at Long Branch all about the subway, describing them as underground trains. Such lectures feel normal, she said, because she used to teach.

13. You know you’re a frequent rider when you know what station you’re at without needing to look at the signs on the platform.

14. Scenes from the Warriors’ Day Parade. Interestingly, there was a contingent from the Lincoln & Welland Regiment in St. Catharines.

 

15. New to the CNE this year was a poison clinic, laughably termed an “immunization clinic.” Just for shits and giggles, my friend went up to the desk, where the two people at reception, each wearing a mask, promptly put on a face shield. They just nodded their heads as he said he was “on the fence” about it and heard about all the side effects, including death. They told him they were just offering boosters, and they seemed shocked when he told them he hadn’t taken any of those injections.

15a. Not surprisingly, there were no actual customers victims at this “clinic.”

16. Just like the case in my last visit to the CNE, lunch came from the Swiss Chalet in the sweltering-hot food building, where I got a lot of chicken for a reasonable price.

17. Just as they had done in 2019, the CNE provided water bottle refill stations, but they made every effort to hide them this time around. Some, in fact, didn’t even work. No doubt that was a concerted effort to direct you to the paid vendors, who were seriously gouging their captive customer base. The going rate for a bottle of water was $4.50 and soft drinks could not be had for less than $5.

18. Slogans on T-shirts spotted on the day:

• Game speaks for itself
• Adult-ish
• Don’t blame me. I voted for Trump.
• I’m not always a dick. Just kidding. Go (expletive) yourself.
• You are not immune to propaganda
• Don’t hassle me. I’m local.

19. Walkthrough of the crowded midway:

20. There was a food truck offering “meat free” pizza parked right outside the farm, of all places.

21. Flying the “coup” . . .

22. Giraffes near the kiddie midway:

23. Standing outside the food building, someone from Neo approached me and wanted to give me a free T-shirt. All I had to do was scan his QR code into my smartphone. A smartphone which I don’t own and have no need for.

24. My friend and I tried our luck with the “EXpress train,” which shuttles people across the grounds. But sadly, the trains were packed, and when we were finally able to get on, we were left sitting each stop for at least 5-10 minutes. Not much of an “express” train, if you ask me. We eventually got off when they announced there would be an additional delay at the GO stop. Nonetheless, I captured some video between the east entrance and the GO stop:

25. Oddly, I spotted a lot of people on the day wearing Argonauts paraphernalia. I later found out there was a game that night, but still, you could probably fit all the die-hard Argos fans in Toronto in a phone booth. The CFL just isn’t a big deal east of the prairies.

26. Having just missed a train by seconds on our return trip, my friend went into Liberty Village while I sat in the shelter being annoyed by some kid who was entertaining himself by repeatedly slamming a plastic water bottle on the ground.

27. As the sweat was dripping off my brow in the shelter, I could only lament the fact that additional heat wasn’t available . . .

28. In addition the dangers posed by the No Sleep Gang, workers need to look out for rats and gold . . .