The Garden City Refugee

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On the Road – Trailside Memorials, Anarchists, Immediate Customers and More

June 7, 2020

Highlights from a 40-mile two-wheeled voyage to and from Welland:

1. A trailside memorial in honor of Luke Doppelhofer, who passed away on May 24 at the tender age of 26:

1a. Sadly, Luke’s family are among many who Emperor Ford is not allowing to hold a proper service to mourn their loved ones.

2. Free roadside refreshments:

3. I’m sure the residents of the house next door to Niagara Auto Sales really appreciated the loud rock music blaring from the dealership at 8:15 am. When they weren’t even open.

4. Fit for a king . . .

5. A shopping cart full of goodies looking for a good home:

6. Shop. Explore. Eat. Celebrate anarchy. Something for everyone in Welland.

7. Scenes in Welland:



8. Parking for immediate customers only. Whatever an immediate customer is.

9. Prime commercial real estate:

10. What about Father Day?

11. Scenes like this were sadly far too common on the day as ‘tis the season for the plus-sized to shed clothing and flaunt their bulk. During my return trip, the shiny black shorts covering the backside of a similarly built female heavyweight was struggling mightily to reel in the rolls of fat oozing over both sides of her bicycle seat. Niagara is filled with many scenic wonders. Those are not among them.

12. I am convinced there is a City of Welland bylaw that requires all residents to have at least one tattoo.

13. Our lady light rose . . . I think.

14. Two-hour parking restrictions in Welland? They ought to give you the key to the city if you want to spend more than two hours there.

15. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Welland is that there’s just no hope there.

16. On the bright side for the Rose City, the residents probably haven’t even noticed Emperor Ford’s lockdown, since so few actually have jobs. Tim Hortons is probably the largest private-sector employer in town.

17. Spotted on Niagara Street was a punk wearing a T-shirt with “#38 Crooks” on it. I believe him.

18. Scenes along the trail:


19. Free mask:

20. On the way back, I spotted a father with his young son, who was adorned in a rainbow-colored T-shirt with “One Love” on it. I don’t care if you want to promote your gayness, but have the decency to leave your kid out of it.

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