Ontario NDP Awards Doug Ford Honorary Membership
May 17, 2020
As Ontario Premier Doug Ford continues to bask in the chaos he has created since assuming dictatorial powers, the opposition NDP has decided to award him an honorary membership in their party.
“We were scared shitless when Ford put up those ‘Open for Business’ signs at the border,” said a gender-fluid spokesperson for the Ontario NDP. “I mean, a strong business sector flies in the face of all we stand for.”
“But over the last couple of months, we couldn’t be more pleased at the premier’s performance,” the spokesperson continued. “Unemployment is at a record high, he’s giving the middle finger to small business owners, gleefully destroying livelihoods left and right, squashing civil liberties like a bug, laying waste to the health-care system and even Kathleen Wynne must be blushing at the out-of-control spending. In all, Premier Ford is creating an authoritarian police state and a culture of everlasting dependence on government that fits hand in glove with everything we have fought for so long to achieve.”
The spokesperson refused to comment on the swirling rumors around Queen’s Park that the two parties are planning a merger. According to well-placed sources within both parties, under terms of plan, Ford would lead the merged party, tentatively dubbed the Ontario NDPC, current NDP MPPs would sit with the government and a high-profile cabinet post would be reserved for NDP leader Andrea Horwath. On the NDP side, the plan would require ratification from union leaders, while sources say Ford believes he and he alone should speak for Ontario PC members, who he referred to as “yahoos.”
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