On the Road – Subway Dipshits, Smudging Spaces, Polka Ringtones and More
September 27, 2023
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s voyage to and from the universe’s center:
1. In what must have been some sort of record, five people got on at the Beamsville stop, while three more got off.
2. One of those who boarded at Beamsville had a bike and he got off at Stoney Creek, where he proceeded to do wheelies through the parking lot and along the adjacent sidewalk.
3. On the train, a fare inspector came through my car. Every single person paid. Once again, this is not the Old Country, where an inspector would have had trouble finding someone who did pay.
4. In my car, the only person besides me who wasn’t engrossed with their phones was a woman in my quad with a lip ring and a flowery tattoo on her ankle who was reading–gasp–a paper book.
5. Though there were no DWAMs on the bus and only two of them on the train, there were too many who continue to buy into this crap. There are only two kinds of people right now. Those who know that we’ve been taken for a ride and those who don’t want to know. No middle ground.
6. A few of the DITS (Dipshits In The Subway) who fall into the latter category:
7. I can just picture people in Toronto wondering, “Where or what is a Saskatoon?”
8. Now I know that the display boards on the platforms inside the subway are running Debian Linux.
9. Waiting for the #4 line at Sheppard-Yonge was a DWAM with “Be Happy” written on her dipshit mask. This is clearly someone who feels so good about doing her part to save humanity from an existential threat. And someone who has been hopelessly brainwashed.
10. The new community center in Toronto. If I lived there, I would refuse to acknowledge the Indian name.
11. In a “gallaxy” far, far away . . .
12. Pardon me while I barf . . .
13. Old Milwaukee on the tracks . . .
14. On the #4 line was a DWAM busily sorting out papers. One pile went into a shopping bag, the other went into a duffel bag. But this sorting was rudely interrupted by our arrival at Sheppard-Yonge, forcing the DWAM to hastily gather up the rest so he could resume the sorting job later.
15. Waiting at the Sheppard-Yonge station was a black guy playing solitaire on his phone. I fondly remember a bygone era when mobile phones were used just for emergencies. And nearby was a DWAM who was busy with two phones. One phone is apparently not enough for some.
16. Soon after getting on the #1 line, a bum was going around asking people for spare change. All he got out of it was a cigarette from a DWAM.
17. During the long ride to Union, I was treated to a lively conversation between a couple of chatty girls. In español. As I’ve said before, I’ve heard more English spoken on RTC buses in Quebec.
18. In Union was a woman wearing a T-shirt with the message, “I ♥ Gossip.”
19. Seated next to me in the York Concourse was a DWAM who was on the phone with his bank. “I wanted bigger money,” he said. “I was expecting an e-transfer.” And on the other side of me was a little kid who wanted his mother to get him a vanilla donut with sprinkles on it. “I’m hungry,” he said.
20. Scurrying down the stairs from the platform was a Middle Eastern woman trying to get away from a persistent GO special constable. “Do you have a driver’s license?” the constable asked. “Have you ever had a driver’s license? Have you ever written the test?” Methinks she had been caught evading fare and was playing dumb with the ID to avoid the ticket.
21. Upon our departure, Jonathan, our customer service ambassador, kindly told us we were making all station stops to westbound. And he kept repeating it during the ride, only bothering in passing to mention that “westbound” meant “West Harbor.” “Westbound” is not a station stop on the GO network.
22. Free bicycle wheel at the Bronte station . . .
23. Boarding the #12 bus at Burlington was a Middle Eastern guy who told the driver, “I have to go to the St. Cath-reens.”
24. Boarding at Stoney Creek was a scruffy older dude sporting a reflective vest, a bandanna and a host of tattoos. Though he was able to get around well enough, he had a hacking, wheezing cough that made it sound like he was on his last legs.
In between coughs, he called his bank and got an automated message telling him he had $40 in his account. Then he got a call, which set off the polka ringtone on his phone. Later, he joined Middle Eastern guy in also getting off at “the St. Cath-reens.”
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