Over the River LXVII
September 10, 2023
Highlights and lowlights from my 67th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. Waiting at the Fairview Mall bus stop was a middle-aged woman wearing a gray hoodie with the message, “NOTHING TO HIDE.” So I presume she’d have turned over the PIN number to her bank card if asked?
2. The CBP officer at the Rainbow Bridge asked me, “Just yourself?” No, I’ve got a brood of Mexicans stuffed into my backpack.
3. Off-color scenes in and around the ’hood . . .
4. Metrolinx doesn’t have a monopoly on gay buses . . .
5. No.
6. Free pillows on Niagara Falls Boulevard . . .
7. No, no, no, no and no . . .
8. When you need to rent a luxury outhouse . . .
9. With how the term “diversity” has been co-opted by the radical left, these people might want to seriously consider changing their name . . .
10. Beep and pray for Nevaeh . . .
11. The fashion outlet mall that’s not in Niagara Falls offers you greetings from Niagara Falls . . .
12. Sadly, not everyone would get this . . .
13. I doubt it’s officially sanctioned by MLB, but it’s a clever knockoff . . .
14. Leaving the Walmart parking lot was a pickup with a bumper sticker that read, “Don’t blame me, I voted for Waylon Jennings.”
15. Waiting to cross the street at the corner of Military Road and Niagara Falls Boulevard was a scruffy dude in a motorized wheelchair puffing on a cigarette with a dog on his lap that was wearing sunglasses and striped prison garb. On the dude’s sleeve was a patch which read, “Bad decisions make good stories.” From the looks of him, I don’t think it’s a stretch to suggest that one or more bad decisions might be the reason he’s in a wheelchair.
16. A reminder of a bygone era when foreign enemies represented a greater threat to us than our own government.
17. Scenes from the Jennifer Bolender Memorial Overpass . . .
18. While stopping for a rest at LaSalle Waterfront Park, I was aghast to see seven cyclists riding their bikes on the sidewalk on the Grand Island Bridge. You’re reasonably safe when walking across, but when riding a bike, you’re higher than the barriers on either side. One good draft from a passing 18-wheeler and you either end up in the Niagara River or in the path of speeding I-190 traffic. Full vaccination which ever way you fall.
19. A mission I passed by on Buffalo Avenue was offering animal blessings.
20. After pulling the Nana Mouskouri act at the toll booth once again, there was quite the line waiting to cross Checkpoint Charlie into Canada Ostdeutschland. I was patient and waited my turn, but the same could not be said for a cyclist who whizzed past all the idling cars and pulled even with me with only three cars in front of us. He didn’t bat an eye when I asked, “You cut in front of all those cars?” “I’m from Germany,” he said. As if that entitled him to move to the front of the line.
He went on to say he had been touring Western New York and was about to enter Canada for the first time. He was a little taken aback by the long lines on either side of the border. “In Europe, we have open borders,” he said. Just like they have between the U.S. and Mexico. But I digress. Oddly, he seemed surprised by the French on the signage on the Canadian side. “They speak French in Canada?” he asked. Apparently German Dude didn’t do much homework before his trip.
As he dug out his Reisepass and poison pass, I asked him where he was staying and he pointed to the pack in front his handlebars, which held a folded-up tent. Since he had obviously taken the bioweapon, I should have also asked if he had made out his will, but then the car in front of us was cleared and it was my turn.
21. Seated across from me on the regional transit bus I took back to St. Catharines was a black guy sucking his thumb.
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