The Garden City Refugee

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On the Road – Wrong-Way Travelers, Boom Boxes, Graffiti and More

July 31, 2020

Highlights and lowlights from today’s 41-mile two-wheeled trek to and from Welland:

1. No thank you . . .

2. Off-color scenes in Welland:


3. RIP Cass . . .

4. How they teach the kids to spell in Welland . . .

5. They actually make you pay to park at Plymouth Park. OK, it’s across the street from a nursing home and a few blocks from the hospital, but . . . it’s still Welland. They should pay you to park there.

6. Spotted in Welland was a bumper sticker that read, “I’m already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.” Sounds like a “woke” Liberal.

7. Also spotted in Welland was a guy standing on the street with “DOG DAD” on the back of his T-shirt. He fathered a dog?

8. NGK was here . . .

9. This guy in a scooter was among many I spotted who were going the wrong way on one-way streets. One of the three such cyclists was a young woman with no helmet, no bra and no brain who whizzed through a stop sign and onto a one-way street, paying little attention to traffic as she was busy fiddling with her purse strap.

9a. Yes, there are one-way streets in Welland.

10. There were many cyclists and pedestrians toting portable boom boxes around town. The cyclists in question had them hanging by straps from their handlebars while treating the neighborhood to their tunes. How very considerate.

11. The takeout counter at Express Donuts across the street from the Welland Transit Terminal:

12. One of their customers was a plus-sized woman who was on the phone telling someone about her benefit check before lighting up a cigarette. Benefit checks and Tim Hortons restaurants are the biggest “industries” in town.

12a. I think there’s a City of Welland bylaw requiring all residents to smoke. Just like there must be a bylaw requiring all residents to have at least one visible tattoo.

13. Speaking of bylaws, while seated at Welland Civic Square, I noticed the digital sign that was promoting their Clean Yards bylaw requiring grass to be cut shorter than six inches. As much as I abhor excessive government interference in our lives, based on my experiences in Welland, I must say that such a bylaw is probably needed.

13a. Speaking of government overreach, did you know about the following exceptions to the fascist mask bylaw?

  • Driving a bus for St. Catharines Transit
  • Driving a bus for Welland Transit
  • Driving a bus for Niagara Region Transit
  • Working at St. Catharines City Hall

Do as I say, not as I do apparently.

14. Free food . . .

15. One of many sightings of graffiti along the trail:

16. I wonder what the over-under is on the number of minutes it would take for these tools to be stolen if such a bike repair station were to be put up in the Old Country.

16a. Loyal readers may be aware that I defected from the SPRM six years ago tomorrow. Happy anniversary to me.

16b. During those six years, I have put on 14,102.8 miles on two wheels covering every Niagara municipality, parts of Hamilton, Toronto, Mississauga, Oakville and Burlington as well as 15 different municipalities spread across two counties in the Great State of New York. I do get around.

17. While seated on a bench near Lock 7 taking a breather, a family of Hutterites passed by and referred to the escarpment as “the hill.” That “hill” is still something I struggle with, even after six years in this part of the world.

17a. I think they figured it out soon enough, but they really didn’t need to pedal as they were going down the escarpment.

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