On the Road – Tasty Beavers, Littering Tourists, Fuzzy Heads and More
August 22, 2024
Highlights and lowlights from today’s 33-mile bike ride to and from the Falls:
1. Niagara Falls offers accommodations for people on any size budget . . .
2. Bronto’s Adventure Playland . . .
3. For some reason, the stalls in the washrooms at Table Rock are numbered. Just in case a husband needs to tell his wife, “I’ll be in stall #3.”
4. Dam Tasty Beavers along with Beaver Bark. Anything to bilk tourists out of a buck, I suppose.
5. Niagara never stops. Except when the government locks us down.
6. No doubt popular with the LGBT+ crowd . . .
7. Is it really worth putting your life in mortal peril just to get a better camera angle?
8. Assorted garbage tourists have tossed over the railing at Table Rock. It’s not as though there aren’t enough garbage cans around the place.
9. The scourge of the “all-gender washroom” has spread to this side of the border . . .
10. Dear Niagara Parks: Kindly take your WEF-compliant parking meters and shove them up where the sun don’t shine.
11. Must be a fan of Slap Shot. “Puttin’ on the foil” . . .
12. Ramblings from a lovelorn fellow or fellowette . . .
13. After putting the wrong tea bag in my cup at the Third Space Cafe, the ownerette said to herself, “Sometimes your head is a little fuzzy.” I should have replied, “You might try taking off that dipshit mask.” That in addition to not getting shot up with experimental gene-altering drugs.
14. And even dipshits are entitled to dignity and respect apparently . . .
15. While in the cafe, I learned that the fatso working in the kitchen is going to school. No doubt she’s attending Dairy Queen U and majoring in food intake. And from the looks of her, she’s a straight-A student.
16. Next to me along the wall was a painting of Short Hills being offered for $500. Friendly tip to the artist: Don’t quit your day job. I’ve seen better paint-by-number works.
17. Before I left, a couple from the UK came in and ordered two breakfast sandwiches and cappuccinos, for which they paid $36. Part of me felt like asking if they were actually going back to the Union of British Soviet Republics or if they were planning to seek political asylum in Canada or across the river in the United States.
18. The owner of this cart full o’goodies was sitting on a bench on the other side carrying on a chatty conversation with his imaginary friend.
19. Missing from this list describing downtown Niagara Falls is “None of the Above.” It’s pretty much a ghost town. It doesn’t need love, it needs a bulldozer.
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