The Garden City Refugee

On the Road – Angry Characters, Cheesy Slogans, Cheesecake Addicts and More

March 27, 2022

Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s visit to the universe’s center:

1. En route to Fairview Mall, there were only two people in the drive-thru lane at Tim Hortons. In the past, despite the early hour, there had always been 10 or more. Maybe there’s still some hope for us yet.

2. I had heard that the city property on Geneva Street near Fairview, which had been on the market for months, had finally been sold, but when I walked past, there was still a big “For Sale” sign out front. In this booming real-estate market, I don’t suppose it has occurred to anyone on council that the social-engineering clause they’ve attached to any potential sale might be a factor as to why the property hasn’t attracted a buyer yet.

3. Sitting in the shelter at Fairview was a disheveled woman in her early 40s who was madly puffing on a cigarette while organizing all her worldly possessions that included a tube of Colgate toothpaste and a box full of DVDs in retail packaging that were probably, shall we say, a little warm into her bags. She was wearing winter boots despite the +5 temperature and there were large clumps of hair missing from her scalp as if she had been on the wrong end of a nasty hair-pulling fight. What hair she had left was dyed a dark purple color and she had quite the foul disposition as she later made her way through the Burlington GO station.

4. This was the first time I had used my Presto card since our governments declared war on us and there were a number of changes. On the buses, the machine is no longer next to the driver, but on the partition immediately to your left as you board. The display lights up with a green check mark on a successful tap and only $3.70 is initially deducted, down from the $4-something the last time I used it. On tapping at Burlington to connect to the train, no fare is initially deducted and it is instead all deducted at the final destination, which in my case was Union.

5. Also new aboard GO buses and trains is their free no-additional-charge Wi-Fi service. If you have any trouble, they say, visit gotransit.com. But if you can’t connect . . .

6. As the bus took off in the early-morning darkness, I spotted a cyclist heading north on Lake Street with no light and no helmet. But he was wearing a mask. Evidently it’s more important to superficially protect yourself from an overhyped flu virus than from a catastrophic brain injury.

7. On the bus, there was the standard announcement thanking us for pre-purchasing our fare, but since they don’t take cash anymore, it’s not as though we have a choice. But at least there is a ticket and Presto machine at Fairview Mall, unlike the case at Beamsville, Grimsby and Stoney Creek.

8. New at the Burlington GO station was a customer service rep offering help for those using the Presto machines.

9. Something didn’t agree with a passenger on the platform . . .

10. Video from walking the platform at Burlington. The ramp in the middle of the video is for those who need the accessibility coach, where the customer service ambassador who makes all the announcements on the train lays out a ramp at each stop.

11. The new shields between seats inside the car, similar to those on the buses. I suspect they stop about four out of every billion particles, making it the equivalent of being in the no-peeing section of a swimming pool.

12. As the train passed Burlington Center, I spotted three joggers. Since they were on the sidewalk and not in the middle of the road, I knew I wasn’t in the Old Country.

13. Across the aisle was a young woman wearing a cap from Algonquin College who had her feet up on the seat in front of her while reading an article in a magazine about the Iranian War. At the other end of the car were two women madly laughing away before disembarking at Port Credit.

14. Inside a U-Haul storage facility in Oakville was a cardboard cutout picture of a cop. In other words, a real-life Winnipeg police officer.

15. While our governments have been so cruelly putting so many out of work, the bureaucrats at Metrolinx have been burning the midnight oil to come up with cheesy slogans on our dime. With a mask on, learn to smile with your eyes, they say. We call it “smizing.” Then they say they’ve stepped up their cleaning. That includes every nook and cranny. Wait, what’s a cranny? If this crap doesn’t qualify as non-essential, I don’t know what does.

16. Coming soon to Union Station are a dental office and an LCBO. Union is fast becoming a self-contained city.

17. One of many who are using Union as a hotel:

18. Based on my experiences on the day, people are increasingly adopting my attitude. This ends when we stop complying.

Virtually no one was wearing a mask going into Union and though many more did on the return trip, most discarded them as soon as they got to their seat.

19. Another of the forlorn figures in Union:

20. While in Union, an aboriginal woman walked by and gave me one of those “if looks could kill” glares. What gives? Didn’t I give you enough of my tax money?

21. I’ll use the bag to dump this memory in the nearest recycle bin . . .

22. Video from my walks through Union Station:

23. En route to St. Lawrence Market, I spotted an ad from the City of Toronto encouraging people to get their booster shot. The first two didn’t work, so now let’s try a third. The definition of insanity.

23a. Is there anyone left who still buys the “safe and effective” line?

24. Crossing Front Street was a guy on a bike wearing a suit. As with the guy on Lake Street, he had no helmet on, but he was wearing a mask. Maybe he figured the turban on his head would offer some protection.

25. Don’t have a cow, man . . .

26. Video walkthrough of St. Lawrence Market . . .

27. This establishment wasn’t closed by a flu virus, it was one of many shut down by Doug “Closed for Business” Ford . . .

27a. Did you know that my local Doug Ford Party candidate has taken one out of Chris Bittle’s playbook and blocked me on social media? I take that as a badge of honor.

28. Free orange in a bus shelter. Someone even took the time to peel it for you . . .

29. More video as I covered the underground PATH and adjacent Eaton Center. While covering Eaton Center, I took note of the dogs and the guy with a bike who wheeled it into the food court and parked it outside McDonald’s.

30. While ordering at the A & W in Eaton Center, I could only laugh as the poor guy behind the counter kept poking his head around the shield each time he had a question. I mean, what’s the point of having those shields? But at least he had a reasonably good command of the English language.

31. Sitting next to me in the food court was a guy who kept quietly mumbling “Oh, f---” after every mouthful of food. After he finished, an old guy sat there and was constantly shaking as he struggled with his plateful of goop covered in noodles that he got from the Thai place next to the A & W. If I had to eat that stuff, I’d probably be shaking too. That is, before I made a beeline for the toilet.

32. Plastered on each table in the food court was a notice asking people to leave their waste behind so they could clean and sanitize it for the next guest. I understand their rationale for it, but the real reason should be that it’s their job and that the guests don’t work there. That said, most were still taking their waste to the bins anyway. Old habits are hard to break.

33. Uncle Tetsu’s Japanese Cheesecake seemed to be popular with those rushing to catch the Lakeshore East train and a few others in Union as I waited for my train. I don’t get it, but to each his or her own.

34. The customer service ambassador on my Lakeshore West train belted out “Please stand clear of the doors, the doors are now closing” as if he was seriously hung over and hadn’t got much sleep the previous night. Which was probably why he also neglected to give us his name, an apparently serious breach of Metrolinx policy that I haven’t seen violated before. A much more serious faux pas, however, was that he failed to tell us we were on the Lakeshore West train until after it started rolling.

35. New is that the outer terminus of the Lakeshore West line is now West Harbor in Hamilton, not Aldershot in Burlington.

36. On a billboard near Exhibition was an ad promoting investment opportunities in Saskatchewan. I can just picture the bubble caption above so many people’s heads wondering where Saskatchewan is. The average GTA resident probably thinks it’s in Eastern Europe.

37. I really didn’t need to see the crack of the ass of the guy across the aisle, nor did I need to know that he wears Reebok underwear.

38. While walking through Toronto, you can really tell that you’re not in St. Catharines. GTA people are seemingly always in a hurry, preoccupied with their appearance and caught up in their own self-importance.

39. There was an unusually long line waiting for the connecting bus at Burlington. That is, until the customer service rep announced that there was an express bus bound for the Falls on its way. That promptly siphoned off about 90% of the riffraff.

39a. Among that riffraff were three in front of me who were speaking German.

40. Seated across the aisle from me was a group of Middle Easterners who were loudly jabbering away in their own language. And like me, they weren’t wearing masks.

41. Along Fairview Street in Burlington was an ad for real estate agents Patsy and Wynter Graham. Their faces weren’t shown on the ad. But their dog’s mug was.

41a. Who names their kid “Wynter?”

42. Someone must have dropped their fruit plate in the parking lot at the Sobey’s I passed by on the way home . . .