The Garden City Refugee

On the Road – Roses, Wind-Up Joggers, Life Stories and More

May 5, 2021

Highlights and lowlights from a 42-plus mile ride to and from Welland:

1. Spotted first thing this morning was a woman in her late 50s or early 60s jogging along the trail wearing shorts that barely covered her backside. It was only +6 outside with a bit of a sharp wind.

2. Welland’s answer to Sanford and Son:

3. Spotted a block away was an office for IG Wealth Management. Methinks their clients aren’t from the immediate area. Call it a hunch.

4. I’ve often wondered why so many expat Newfoundlanders settle in this part of the world . . .

5. Dirty coins can be a problem . . .

6. Spotted on Prince Charles Drive was a billboard from Niagara University (for the benefit of readers not familiar with this part of the world, they’re in the Great State of New York) trying to woo potential students. This just in. Our governments won’t let us cross the river.

6a. Did you know there’s a Niagara College on our side of the river and a Niagara County Community College in Sanborn, NY, a short ride down Route 31?

7. You know the real estate market is royally out of whack when townhouses on Commercial Street are selling for nearly half a million dollars. That is a neighborhood where pride in home ownership is visibly lacking and one out of every three homes is working on their Sanford and Son starter kit. And it’s in Welland.

8. You know you’re not in Winnipeg anymore when you see someone stop to pick up after his dog.

9. This marks my first sighting of roses in the Rose City:

10. Free clothing . . .

11. Along the trail was a young woman in a pink hoodie who was waving her right arm in a circular motion as she was running. What was she trying to do, wind herself up?

12. I learned the following from a guy named Mike who lives in the area and was seated on a bench in Merritt Park:

• He is 59 years old.
• He has had three girlfriends in his life. One of them was a nut and the last one, who he was dating when he was 35, just didn’t work out. There hasn’t been anyone since.
• He lived on the west side of the canal in the same place for 18 years until someone from Toronto bought the block and kicked him out. The new landlord’s daughter, a rowerette, lives there along with a few other rowerettes.
• He was paying $650 per month in rent there.
• He found a new place in an apartment block on the east side of the canal. The landlord, a man of Indian extraction from Scarborough, wanted $850 per month plus utilities, but Mike talked him down to $800 inclusive.
• Soon after taking up residence in his new block, he spotted some guy passed out in the laundry room.
• Just before I came along, he spilled a cup of tea all over his white hoodie. “It won’t come out,” he said. “But it’s just clothes.”
• He used to do landscaping work for a living, but now he’s retired.
• He likes to give food to homeless people.
• Though rightly skeptical of other “news” outlets, he didn’t think City TV would lie. Yes, I did point out that Justin Trudeau is paying bribing them just like he’s paying bribing the others with our money.
• He lived in his old place for 18 years.
• He has a dog and a little aquarium, that latter of which he is having trouble finding a light for.
• He does not have a car, but he does have a driver’s license.
• He lived in his old place for 18 years.
• He knows someone named Ernie who runs a bike shop in Thorold. Apparently Ernie was dating someone and Mike asked me if I knew whether or not Ernie still was in that relationship.
• He got caught in the rain the other day and had to spend some time cleaning his bike.
• Did I mention that he lived in his old place for 18 years? He certainly did. Several times.
• While engaged in conversation, someone he knew came by and left him with a bag full of toilet paper and tissues from Costco. He offered to pay the woman, but she wouldn’t take the money.
• As a teenager, he spent some time in B.C. and if he had his druthers, he would have stayed there.
• A homeless guy in Toronto told him that if they sleep on a park bench, the cops will come and take them to jail. If he was homeless, Mike wouldn’t mind because then he’d have a place to sleep.
• He thinks Bill Gates is changing the weather.

13. Assorted garbage . . .

 

14. A fan of Tom McDonald . . .