On the Road – Phone Addicts, Subway Doodlers, Daredevils and More
August 2, 2024
Highlights and lowlights from my bus/train/subway trek to and from Pearson Airport:
0. The purpose of the trip was to commemorate the 10th anniversary of my defection from the SPRM. Happy anniversary to me.
1. Assorted toys on the street . . .
2. Graffiti and ramblings at bus shelters . . .
3. Free accommodations behind Zehr’s. And you can even smoke in your room, as evidenced by the pack of empty smokes behind the pillow.
4. At Beamsville, four people disembarked and eight more boarded, both totals being higher than the numbers at Grimsby. So much for the “pokey” Beamsville stop. And yet, despite the increased usage, Metrolinx still hasn’t put a ticket machine there.
5. As the train was approaching at Burlington, I noticed some dude wheeling a pair of bikes down the platform, evidently unaware of the long-standing policy prohibiting bikes on Union-bound trains during the morning rush hour. You’d think the customer care representative on the platform would have stopped him and said something to that effect. But instead, she was too busy sitting on her fat ass doing, well, something. Which begs the question as to why she was there at all.
6. Across the aisle was some guy scrolling through tons of emails on his Chromebook. It reminded me of how the CEO of a former employer where I was, among other things, the administrator of the mail system, used his email account as file storage. Later, this guy was checking the Government of Canada’s website on how to check on his visa application status and where to go to get his fingerprints taken. Given how the Liberals are flooding the country with foreigners, I was shocked to see that they’re still going through legal formalities and not just rubber-stamping visas at the airport as soon as the migrants get off the plane.
7. After the train left Clarkson, the customer service representative announced the *77777 help number as “triple seven, double seven.” Couldn’t they have come up with something a little easier?
8. This woman, seated in the next quad, didn’t look up once during the entire ride to Union and instead kept her head down, busy with her phone. I know she’s not alone in that regard, but it’s still pretty sad.
9. Someone in front of me in line waiting to get off the train was so hooked on some video he was watching that he couldn’t bring himself to put his phone away until the doors opened and the line started moving.
10. Boarding at the St. Andrew subway station was this DWAM™ along with his son. Dipshit Junior had a bunch of red splotches on his dipshit mask, while the straps on the dipshit mask Dipshit Senior was wearing had broken and were tied up in knots. Dipshit Senior clearly wants to get his money’s worth.
11. In my car on the #2 line was a young woman with sunglasses perched on top of her head wearing a black Sobey’s golf shirt and way too much makeup drawing 3-D squares on a sketchpad.
12. Boarding at the Dufferin station was an old guy toting a wheeled cart filled with assorted pieces of cardboard boxes. And at the bottom of the cart was an Ontario license plate.
13. After passing the Dufferin station, some artificially excited kid walked up and down the car, stopping to grab the overhead railing and pull his feet up onto the ceiling before moving on.
14. Not far from the Kipling station, an older DWAM™ wearing a medical-grade N95 dipshit mask boarded and sat down in the priority seating. No doubt such a serious mental disability qualifies for using the priority seating. She was also having trouble staying awake and kept nodding off. With all the injections she’s undoubtedly taken, it’s a wonder she’s even alive at all.
15. The luggage rack on the Airport Express bus, which connects the Kipling station to Pearson:
16. There’s something so fitting about this Ayatollah look-alike perched next to the YYZ sign . . .
17. Of course, Pearson hasn’t forgotten the gay travelers . . .
18. Rude and snotty gate agents and flight attendants stewardesses not included . . .
19. Where it all began for me, the out-of-town vans desk at Terminal 3, where I caught a Niagara Airbus van which took me to St. Catharines ten years earlier. Today, it’s not even staffed. Anyone needing assistance has to use the phone at the end of the counter.
20. Walking through the terminal was a hairy dude wearing a sleeveless top with the message, “bonjour bitches.”
21. Also walking through the terminal was a young woman on her phone wheeling a suitcase. She was telling her friend that before boarding her flight, they told her she had too much carry-on and would have to buy another suitcase. But instead, she was able to stuff her excess carry-on inside her suitcase. “You’d be surprised,” she told her friend as she described how she pulled it off.
22. Clearly, the same “put on as much makeup as your face can possibly absorb” directive issued to flight attendants stewardesses with the Reds also applies with WestJet.
23. On the day, I heard more English spoken in Quebec than I did at Pearson.
24. Metrolinx still hasn’t removed the “thank you for prepurchasing your fare” message from their automated announcements even though they’ve long since stopped giving us the choice.
25. I feel this bike owner’s pain . . .
26. With the humidex pushing 40, this button in the shelter was not needed . . .
27. Once again, I was forced to avail myself of the unofficial washroom at the Burlington Carpool lot, that being the bush behind the building which houses the keyed-entry washrooms for drivers. Perhaps in several years time, Metrolinx will build one for the rest of us.
28. Spotted on an Oakville Transit bus was an ad for one of those debt consolidation companies. “Asha can finally enjoy life without debt,” was the slogan next to a woman’s picture. But Asha wouldn’t need their services if she didn’t spend beyond her means.
29. And so do the mRNA injections. But unlike the injections, no government has been forcing you to smoke cigarettes.
30. Waiting for a bus at the Burlington Carpool lot was another DWAM™ with an N95 dipshit mask. Outside. Clearly, the brains of such people are permanently broken.
31. Also at the Burlington Carpool lot was a young kid wearing a black T-shirt with the message, “Lucky me, I see ghosts.”
32. Approaching the light at Guelph Line was this pair of daredevils who meandered their way through the waiting cars so they could get to the front of the line and take off once the light turned green. And these are the same people who undoubtedly whine the loudest about not getting respect on the road.
33. Winnie’s Jerk . . .
34. People like this want you to donate blood, but since it’s mixed up with blood from those who have taken the mRNA injections, do you really want it?
35. Spotted in traffic was a Leafs vanity plate 1GRTTM. I admire this fan’s dedication, but in the understatement of the century, the Leafs aren’t exactly a great team.
36. It was somehow fitting on this day that I spotted this truck with an SPRM plate along with two other trucks from Bison Transport headed in the opposite direction. Perhaps the SPRM will always follow me around.
37. So if there’s no sign saying so, it’s OK to not exercise caution?
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