On the Road – Imaginary Friends, Satellite Health, Wormed Food and More
May 1, 2024
Highlights and lowlights from today’s visit to Hamilton:
1. Free cart full o’goodies at Fairview Mall . . .
2. Also at Fairview Mall was a black guy who went running up to a GO bus with a big lighted NIAGARA FALLS sign out front and along the side to ask the driver if he was going to Burlington.
3. Listen up, boys and “gurls” . . .
4. Boarding the Barton bus soon after I did was a woman in her mid-30s with her face covered in tattoos and decked out in a furry purple overcoat who spent the entire ride downtown involved in a running conversation with her imaginary friend.
5. I saw it as an encouraging sign that many passengers on that Barton bus were paying with cash. And for this ex-Winnipegger, the fact that they were paying at all was encouraging.
6. Boarding at Ottawa Street was an elderly DWAM™ who had her mask pulled down below her nose, just like almost every other DWAM™ I spotted on the day. Theater at its finest. People who are just going through the motions to show others how much they care.
7. In the window of a toys & collectibles store we passed by was a board game called Drunk-opoly.
8. There something for everyone at Jackson Square . . .
9. A security guard was posted outside the washroom off the food court at Jackson Square.
10. In the washroom with me was a scruffy bum with a long, straggly beard. And yet even he made an effort to wash his hands after doing his business at the urinal. Once again, this is not the Old Country.
11. Among the many characters in Jackson Square was a dude in his mid-20s wearing a pirate hat.
12. Words of wisdom at the now-closed Hamilton City Center . . .
13. More words of wisdom at the Hamilton Endoscopy Center . . .
14. Always be “tru” to yourself . . .
15. All these people on hand to remember some genocide in Rwanda while so many remain silent about the genocide taking place right here at home . . .
16. Scenes that just scream “Hamilton” . . .
17. In case your satellite is feeling unwell . . .
18. Now you can actually visit the writer’s block in addition to getting it . . .
19. Will that be credit or “debet?”
20. The proliferation of the “Maximum 40 area begins” signs, which are on practically every street corner here in St. Catharines now, has also hit Hamilton. One can only wonder which friend(s) of influential politicians are getting filthy rich making these signs. Not to mention the politicians themselves, who are undoubtedly receiving some generous kickbacks.
21. After taking a seat at the Detour Cafe, a young woman walked up to the counter, and after ordering, told the clerk that she had the day off because she was, like, going to a bartender exposition in Toronto. She was going with, like, four others, including, like, Mike, and another woman she, like, worked with a million years ago in Oakville.
22. The place did not appear unclean, but it reeked of stale vomit.
23. Seated at another table was a black DWAM™ named Sean. Or Sian. Or Shawn. Whatever. Soon after my arrival, she went outside and took down her dipshit mask so she could smoke. Another idiot who’s more concerned about a flu virus than toxic carcinogens. Once she finished, she came back inside and began a running conversation with her imaginary friend, not bothering to pull up her dipshit mask. “Regular normal people . . . if more people felt that way . . . what possessed you guys to feel that way? . . . we’re nuts up here . . . we’re nuts . . . no one does that today, don’t do it here . . . do we want that stuff in our life? . . . we didn’t need any of that stuff . . . this is a nuthouse . . . the Bible says all that stuff, you don’t need it . . . movies frighten the hell out of people . . . they’re not doing drugs or something . . . same-sex partners and all that . . . being gay not get caught . . . He didn’t tell us to screw one another, to hurt one another . . . praise the Lord for the money in our pocket, money for groceries, do shit with that . . . God helps people who help themselves . . . put your heart and trust in the Lord.”
24. Things have gotten so bad in the Hamilton GO Center that the washrooms have been padlocked. Anyone needing to answer the call of nature needs to go begging for a key.
25. Somehow I doubt his phone is ringing off the hook . . .
26. On the return trip, a woman carrying a chair boarded the Barton bus along with her son. Rather than use the chair, she opted to stand by the back door while her son sat in one of the many available seats.
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