Little Miss Dipshit
September 5, 2025
Picture this.
A woman in her 40s with short shorts walks into the Kiwanis Center this morning. She’s there for her daily swim and, more importantly, to show off the tattoos covering her entire right leg. She thinks she’s making some kind of fashion statement. It’s a statement, all right. But not the kind of statement she’s looking for. It’s a statement that shows she’s willing to pay gobs of money and endure countless hours of pain to look like some strung-out punk rocker. One can only wonder what fouled-up signals in her brain kept telling her this was a good idea.
She approaches the counter, where there are three women behind the high Plexiglas shield. She is served by the one in the middle. A DWAM™ wearing a nice little pink dipshit mask.
That shield is undoubtedly there for people just like her. So they’ll be safe. Because even though she’s fully up to date on all her boosters, including the flu shot, there are still a handful of wacko conspiracy theorists out there who keep endlessly whining about medical freedom and feel entitled to put the lives of people like her at risk. And this heavily tattooed woman just might be one of them. You never know. So that’s why, even with the shield, she’s got the stylish dipshit mask on.
There’s also the matter of her two colleagues, sitting on either side of her. They’re far away, thank God, but still much too close for her liking. She hasn’t measured the distance, but they’ve got to be much closer than the six-foot guideline established by medical visionaries like Drs. Anthony Fauci and Theresa Tam. She shudders to think of the shape humanity would be in without people like them and everyone at public health who work tirelessly to keep us all safe. Even those conspiracy theorists. It’s at times like this when she thinks of that famous quote from Winston Churchill, “Never was so much owed by so many to so few.”
Of course, she’s confident that her two colleagues, like her, are also fully up to date on all their boosters. But you never know. She’s heard some rumors about how other coworkers were expressing regret over having taken the life-saving shots. There was someone in the lunchroom who went as far as to suggest that the shots were actually responsible for her friend’s 20-year-old son dropping dead of a heart attack. She was appalled. Surely no one in this day and age could believe such rubbish. It’s another reason she’s so glad she voted Liberal in the last federal election. When Parliament resumes this fall, she hopes they’ll follow through with that legislation they proposed to wipe out fake news once and for all. People like that not only don’t deserve a platform, but they should be arrested and jailed for putting the public in danger.
When the shots first became available, she was so relieved that the City made it mandatory for all employees. She was especially proud of how her union was so supportive of the effort as well. Anyone selfish enough to refuse or whine about privacy or confidentiality simply didn’t deserve to be collecting a paycheck. If they had to sell their house and live off charity, that was their choice. But she was a little nervous, given her age, that she wasn’t among the first to be eligible for the shots. It’s why she never left the house until her group could get them. She even had her groceries delivered. She made sure not to open the door until the delivery guy had disappeared down the block. And even then, only with a mask on.
She was so proud when she finally got her second shot and earned that certificate. She posted it all over social media and got tons of likes for it. We’re in this together, they all said, and she was doing her part. But these days, it’s, like, become taboo or something. No one wants to talk about it anymore. She can’t understand why. So it’s why she can’t be 100% confident that her colleagues have had a booster recently.
It’s all Trump’s fault, she thinks. The world has gone to hell in a handbasket ever since he stole the election and got back into the White House. She’s been so stressed out about it. It’s all she thinks about. She’s lost countless hours of sleep tossing and turning. It’s only gotten worse since RFK became the secretary of health. Imagine someone like that being put in charge of public health. His latest crusade is that he’s trying to take away vaccines because so many people are sick. Well, dummy, that’s why we need more of them. Just think how much worse things will get when you take away the shots and the pills so many need. Honestly, that numbskull is going to cause the death of us.
But it’s not going to cause the death of her. No, sir. She’s going to keep that mask on and take her booster every six weeks. Even more often if she has to. And she’s going to take every last one of the cocktail of pills her doctor has prescribed for her. Just like she’s done for almost all her life. RFK and Trump are going to have to rip that needle out of her cold, dead hands.
She’s never going to stop protecting herself against that virus and all its variants.
Even if it kills her.
| Previous post | Next post |