Crisis Services
August 24, 2025
All across Niagara Falls State Park are these crisis services stations. Five of them, in fact. “There is hope, there is help,” is the slogan on the phone box. Consider such a hypothetical encounter as a lost and troubled soul opens the box, picks up the phone and speaks with a Niagara County counselor . . .
Counselor: Hello, this is crisis services. What is your emergency?
Caller: I need help. I’m feeling severely depressed.
Counselor: Can you tell me why are you feeling depressed?
Caller: I don’t want to return to Canada.
Counselor: I gather you’re a Canadian.
Caller: Unfortunately, yes, I’m sorry to say. It’s embarrassing to admit, you know. With this Canadian passport in my hand, I want to put a bag over my head.
Counselor: There’s nothing to feel embarrassed about. It’s your country.
Caller: Easy for you to say. You’re an American. You live in the Great State of New York. I, on the other hand, live in an authoritarian, socialist dictatorship governed by a junta that illegally seized power and won’t let go. Pardon me for a moment, I have to turn away. Just the sight of Canada on the other side of the falls makes me want to puke.
Counselor: Are you still there?
Caller: Yes, I’m here.
Counselor: Are you all right?
Caller: I think so.
Counselor: So how can I help you?
Caller: I want to defect to the United States. Can you connect me with a good immigration lawyer?
Counselor: I’m sorry, we don’t provide those kinds of services.
Caller: Then why are you here? You’ve got crisis services stations near the border within sight of a modern-day version of East Germany. What did you think was going to happen? People calling to order a pizza?
Counselor: Well, sir, we only deal with things like housing and substance abuse treatment. You’ll need to talk to the people at the border.
Caller: Thanks for nothing.
| Previous post | Next post |