Over the River XCV
July 27, 2025
Highlights and lowlights from my 95th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. While waiting for the regional bus at Fairview Mall, a middle-aged woman with a bike approached the driver of the Burlington-bound GO bus and asked him how to load the bike on the rack. Instead, he did it for her. It was my impression that this was against regulations.
2. Inside the #110 bus in Niagara Falls, I could only shake my head while reading the Niagara Transit ad promoting the recent service changes. “One fare, anywhere, simplifying your ride,” it said. While it wasn’t a problem on the day since I was traveling on a Saturday, had I been traveling during the week, I would have had to have taken an extra bus or pedal the extra couple of miles to catch the regional route downtown instead getting it at Fairview Mall, a stop now skipped on weekdays. That’s hardly “simplifying my ride.” One step forward, two steps back.
3. Before I disembarked at Main & Ferry, a fatso who was seated behind the driver told someone on the phone how she was so freaked out about the dead rat she found in her house.
4. While waiting in line at U.S. Customs at the Rainbow Bridge, I picked up a loonie off the ground someone had dropped, which covered the bridge toll on my return trip.
5. Amazingly, the Discover Niagara Shuttle showed up as scheduled and had a bike rack. But the rack was mounted so low to the ground that I couldn’t twist the lever around to be able secure the front wheel. I had to take the bike off, lift the rack a little to give enough clearance for the lever, then remount the bike. Once again, these people just don’t get it.
6. The driver-in-training sitting in the front seat told us that BMW stands for Break My Windows, since BMWs are apparently the most stolen cars in the country. Later he said that a helicopter is a collection of 10,000 spare parts flying in close formation.
7. When I told the two guys I was from St. Catharines, they thanked me for coming since they’re really feeling the pinch as the number of visitors they’re getting are apparently down to the same levels they were during the war. That kind of surprised me as there have been no shortage of crowds on the U.S. side during my visits this summer.
8. When pulling into the aquarium stop, the driver told his trainee about a recent time when he had been cut off. “So I gave him the love signal,” he said. I didn’t know what he meant until he explained that he was leaning on his horn. “He’ll think about that next time,” he said. I guess that’s how they define “love” in the Great State of New York.
9. At that stop, the driver also mentioned the safety issues and inexperience of the operators of the new hot-air balloon ride and said there’s no way he’d go on it. It was an odd thing to hear from the driver of a bus service put in place to promote tourism.
10. Passing the library, the driver mentioned that the entire impetus for the service was political. “Some politicians think this is going to drive traffic to downtown Niagara Falls,” he said. Which, of course, it hasn’t.
11. When we got to the Power Vista stop, the driver bellyached about some “Barney Fife” security guy who doesn’t like them stopping there for any length of time. Which was odd, he said, given that the parent agency for the Power Vista is one of the groups funding the shuttle service in order to try to drive visitors there. It was also because of “Barney” that the shuttle drivers are no longer allowed to get out and use the washroom there. The driver went on to say that he and “Barney” have gotten into some heated conversations and given the hard time he’s given this “Barney,” he’s lucky to still have a job.
12. This woman was stress testing her chair in the Orange Cat in Lewiston . . .
13. Soon after taking a seat, a woman wearing an orange halter top walked in with her friend. “I got to Fort Niagara and I, like, ran around the park,” she said. “It was, like, so hot.” Then she showed her friend some pictures on her phone. “It was Adriana’s dance day,” she said. “That’s so cute,” her friend replied. Following this exchange, they debated as to whether to sit inside or outside. “Outside,” she said to her friend. “I feel bad being inside.”
14. A young mother and her kid then walked in. “He used to be black, but he got so scared he turned white,” she said to the kid.
15. Walking down Center Street was a woman wearing a T-shirt from Death Row Records.
16. Despite having virtually the entire park to themselves, three Indian girls took a seat at the end of the bench I was sitting on in Devil’s Hole State Park. Minutes later, after much jabbering in their own language, they left all their bags behind and went off to take selfies elsewhere in the park. How trusting of them.
17. Returning to Ostdeutschland Canada, the line was backed up all the way to the toll booth, but it moved quickly and I got to the booth in no time. There, I was greeted by a CBSA officer who stepped out of the booth and directed me to a spot in the middle of the lane. He took my passport and asked, “Where were you going? Were you going to work?” After answering that I was just out for a ride up to Lewiston, leaning in from outside the window of the booth, he scanned my passport, then handed it back to me and said, “Have a good one.” My only guess as to why he stepped out of the booth was to catch a whiff in case I had any weed on me. But all his nasal passages would have picked up was the stench of a lot of sweat. I hope he enjoyed it.
18. Given how quickly I made it through the long line at the bridge, I thought it was my lucky day that I was able to catch an early GO bus. That is, until the bus pulled up.
The only reason I didn’t pass on this bus was that I was beat and didn’t want to sit in Niagara Falls for an hour waiting for the next one.
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