The Sign-In Sheet, Part Deux
November 25, 2024
Today, I attended the annual meeting of the St. Catharines Downtown Association. I neither live, work, nor own a business in their catchment area, though they did invite any interested member of the public to attend. In fact, they were so anxious for attendees that they sent out numerous emails practically begging people to show up, including one earlier in the morning. So as such a member of the public who does frequent our downtown, as well as someone who pays taxes to them, I decided to take them up on their offer. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I thought.
I was equally intrigued as to the fact that the meeting was being held in a funeral parlor. Turns out they got the space for free, which explains the obvious question, though I rather doubt they got the full significance of the venue as it relates to our sagging downtown. It’s not a real happening place, in case you haven’t been there recently. The pollyannaish view espoused by Rachel Braithwaite, the unelected queen of the SCDA, suggests that she and her staff rarely climb down from their ivory tower to examine the harsh realities facing their involuntary members.
Walking in, there was a couple of girls sitting behind a desk. “Are you here for the meeting?” one of them asked. Since there wasn’t a funeral at that time, it was kind of obvious, but still, I said yes and walked into the hall, oblivious to their sign-in sheet. So one of them promptly got up and ran after me. “Would you please sign in?” she asked. “I’d prefer not to, thank you,” I replied and continued on and perused the handouts before helping myself to a “free” soda I paid for and taking a seat.
I listened as someone at a nearby table talked about how Mat Siscoe had yelled at him. Interestingly, Siscoe was standing within earshot, but nothing further developed, much to my chagrin. To my surprise, moments later, Braithwaite came and introduced herself to me. Of course, as someone who isn’t exactly a big fan of the SCDA, I gave her a phony name. I noted with interest that she had a real Ms. Sweetness & Light demeanor all afternoon long. Quite the contrast from the “if looks could kill” glare I got from her at the active transportation open house held at the Kiwanis Center some time ago.
Then Sal Sorrento came by. You know, the former city councilor and current regional councilor who ran for the Doug Ford Party in the last provincial election. Maybe he will again this coming spring if Ford calls a snap election. But I didn’t bother asking. Perhaps the party is looking at getting a better candidate, such as one of my neighbor’s yappy dogs. But I digress. He wasn’t there to see me, rather to butter up the cop standing behind me. “I’m with you guys 100%,” he said. “You guys put your butts on the line every single day.” Unimpressed, the cop said nothing, though he did seem interested in the notes I was writing.
I proceeded to take a seat out in the hall and wait for the presentation. That’s when some big goon approached me. He had a lanyard from the SCDA around his neck and was probably on the board. And as I would soon discover, that board position had clearly gone to his head.
With an unmistakable gnarly attitude, he first asked me if I was a downtown business owner or lived downtown, almost as if to say, “who the hell are you and why are you here?” I said neither, but that I was an interested member of the public.
“You need to sign in,” he said.
Ah, that’s what his problem was.
“Excuse me?” I replied.
“Go sign in. You gave the lady at the desk a hard time. We need to know who is here.”
“No.”
“It’s real simple,” he said, pointing the way to the desk, treating me like a two-year-old.
“No,” I repeated.
“You’ll be asked to leave,” he said.
“OK.”
I waited. The cop standing nearby did nothing, nor did anyone from the funeral home ask me to leave. So I stayed for the meeting. Which, as expected, amounted to a whole lot of nothing.
It started with a nauseating land acknowledgment. “Let us close our eyes,” the woman at the podium said. “Imagine the ground beneath our feet.” I’ll spare you the remainder of the gory details. Of course they highlighted the 35 new businesses, conveniently omitting the number that went under during the year. But more importantly, they’ve got 160 hanging baskets, 35 flower pots and 11 perennial garden plots. And they’re refreshing their pollinator gardens and adding a new one. This is how the SCDA defines “success.”
And, of course, making sure everyone signs in at their annual meeting.
Everyone, except for me, that is.
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