CNE 2025
August 19, 2025
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s excursion to and from the CNE:
1. Waiting at Fairview Mall was an older black woman wearing a hoodie with the message “Faith Over Fear” written on the back. Yet when she boarded, she put on a dipshit mask. Practice what you preach, I thought. Later, however, she took off her dipshit mask inside the Burlington GO station. Perhaps she had some special knowledge about viruses being more transmittable on the bus than inside the station.
2. At Burlington was a fat woman toting several bags full of groceries. On one of those bags was the slogan, “Discover the promise of food.” Unlike the dipshit, she really does practice what she preaches.
3. Taking seats in the quad in front of me on the train were four 20-something girls who spent the entire ride to Exhibition engaged in mindless chatter. “Don’t touch that yellow strip or you’ll, like, get fined $1,000,” said the Asian girl with a nose ring seated on the aisle. “I’m bored,” said the chubby Caucasian girl opposite her in the window seat while cracking open a Dr. Pepper. “But I’m amused.”
The Asian girl directly opposite Nose Ring Girl then fished a receipt out of her purse and showed her the doodling on the back of it. Nose Ring Girl seemed impressed. “Did you, like, do this?” she asked.
Following a lengthy discussion about their favorite episodes of a TV show they like, Nose Ring Girl proclaimed she was, like, a vegetarian and said to Chubby Girl, “You’re, like, a natural healer or something.”
“That’s what happens when you’re, like, depressed and unemployed,” Chubby Girl went on to say. “I think about it, like, a lot. Get a job. Be one of the minimum-wage earners.”
The conversation then turned to a featured city in an episode of Canada’s Amazing Race. “They have, like, random wood carvings,” Chubby Girl said. “It’s totally awesome. I love small towns with, like, one straight line.” Later, she said she had come from a small town with a big candy store. “They had, like, big jawbreakers,” she said.
After each of them started going through their phones looking for pictures of Gabriel, Chubby Girl said, “I should be, like, doing more with my face. But I don’t do anything. When I, like, wash my face more often, it looks grosser.”
4. Various video walkthroughs from around the grounds . . .
5. Assorted food pricing from the midway:
- Hot buttered corn for $10.
- Mexican street corn for $15.
- French fries for $10. $12 for the large size.
- Potato chips for $12.
- Hot dogs for $9.
- Lemonade for $8.
- Cheesy corn dog for $11.
- Frozen yogurt for $8. $10 for the large size.
6. A test to see if you have a foot?
7. Odd place for a confession booth . . .
8. Enjoy some “chilli” cheese fries. But bring your checkbook.
9. Inside the Enercare Center was a booth from Muslims offering free Qurans. Muslims believe in Jesus, they say. And not far from this display was the Fellowship of Christian Farmers of Canada. You can’t make stuff like this up.
10. I never knew there were many gays in India . . .
11. She’s not overweight, she’s fat . . .
12. Spotted on the midway was a Muslim woman in full garb wearing a cap with “Inner City Cowgirls” written on it.
13. Needing something cold, I stopped at a booth selling ginger ale on the south side of BMO Field. I pulled out my wallet to pay, then the girl said, “We only accept debit or credit. Is that OK?”
“No, it isn’t,” I replied as I put my wallet back in my pocket and moved on. There were plenty of other places more than happy to accept my cash.
14. Balloons make everyone happy . . .
15. Singing in the bathtub . . .
16. Walking through the Food Building was a hairy, bearded dude with a ring in his lower lip wearing shorts and black lace stockings.
17. Seated across from me on the train on my return trip was an older couple busy perusing real estate listings from Vancouver. Later, the guy was showing his wife how his newfangled watch can do metric conversions.
18. Inside the Burlington GO station were four customer service reps. A little overkill, methinks. So with little else to do, one of them started chatting with his colleague, telling her that his kids ate three peaches each, while he and his wife each had one. “That’s the problem with fruit,” he said. “If you buy too much, it just goes rotten.” He went on to tell her that he’s going to take his kids to Canada’s Wonderland, but he’ll be buying the season pass next year. “It’s a much better deal with the food,” he said.
19. A pair of DWAMs™ waiting for the #12 bus. Slowly but surely, they’re becoming extinct, but they are resilient.
20. Boarding at Grimsby was a pair of loudmouths who filled the air with their driving troubles. One of them owed $10,000 in outstanding fines, while his buddy owed around $5,500. “I’ll never drive again,” his buddy said.
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