24 Oct

Tim Tebow to Join Winnipeg Police Board

New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow has reportedly accepted an invitation from incoming Winnipeg police chief Devon Clunis to serve on the Winnipeg Police Board.

The outspoken Christian athlete will join a panel of Winnipeggers in advising the Winnipeg Police Service.

Tim Tebow in prayer during a recent NFL game.

A spokesman for Clunis said that “Tim Tebow will provide the Winnipeg Police Board with the kind of direction that the Chief feels will mesh perfectly with his new vision for policing in Winnipeg. We look forward to welcoming Tim to the Board and for him to begin his work on behalf of the Lord.”

Earlier this week, Clunis, when asked about Winnipeg’s entrenched status as the Murder Capital of Canada, said “People consistently say, ‘How are you going to solve that?’ It’s not simply going to be because we’re going to go out there and police it away. I truly believe that prayer will be a significant piece of that.”

“Tim is thrilled to accept this position with the Winnipeg Police Board,” said a spokesman for the quarterback. “He joins with Chief Clunis in this calling from God to introduce the power of prayer to the Winnipeg Police Service. Tim looks forward to coming to Winnipeg and he is anxious to begin his work directly with the officers on the street to put down the force of arms and instead unleash the immense power of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour in the places that it is needed the most.”

The announcement was well received by community leaders.

“I can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting for this,” said Jerzy Idzikowski, chairman of the North End Professional and Business Association. “My shop gets robbed every odd week and I’ve taken so many knives to my gut that I’m on a first-name basis with the nurses at HSC. Yet all the cops do is come by and confront those punks with guns. Put down those guns, I say. Bring Jesus into their lives. He and He alone shall solve all of our problems.”

“Man made crack cocaine. Jesus didn’t. Jesus is love,” said Stella Margolis, a member of the Selkirk Avenue Residents Committee. “It wasn’t the lack of police that made those crackheads storm into my house last week, put a knife to my throat and take my grocery money. It was Satan. And I couldn’t be happier that we finally have a police chief that understands that. He and Tim will clean up everything that’s wrong with the police and teach them the power of the Scriptures. Only then can they truly rid our city of the evil that stalks the land.”

Clunis is expected to be formally sworn in as the Chief of Police next month. Tebow will begin his duties following the current NFL season.