On the Road – Smelly Teenagers, One-Armed Passengers, Middle Eastern Markets and More
March 15, 2026
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s voyage to and from Square One:
1. Waiting with me in the shelter at Fairview Mall were two smelly teenage girls who must have doused themselves in some sort of body wash or perfume before leaving the house. As the one with green painted fingernails was checking something on her phone, her friend with long faux eyelashes asked how long before the bus was supposed to come.
“16 minutes,” said Green Nails Girl.
“16 minutes!” exclaimed Faux Eyelashes Girl. “I’m cold. Ice cold. Freezing cold.” Someone who clearly had never spent much time in the Old Country, I suspected. But I digress.
“It’s not that bad,” said Green Nails Girl.
Later, they got off with me at Dundas & 407 and both proceeded to start munching on some Indian food they picked up at Davinder Tim Hortons. Following a brief wait, they boarded the #47 bus, presumably bound for McMaster.
2. Oddly, the #12 Burlington-bound GO bus was nearly half full and I had trouble finding a seat to myself. Most of those on board were under 40 and slumped in their seats snoozing.
3. Dear Metrolinx: This message does not need to be repeated before and after every single stop. And it sure doesn’t need to be repeated in both Canadian and Quebecese.
4. At Burlington GO, I spotted this mural on a parked bus, part of an “Indigenous Art in Motion” promotion. I didn’t have a problem with the mural per se, but I do have a problem with woke bureaucrats, obviously unencumbered by any fiscal oversight from their superiors, frivolously blowing taxpayers’ money on boutique projects like this, no matter what the message or the ethnic heritage of the artist.
5. Waiting alongside me in the shelter at Dundas & 407 was a one-armed gray-haired guy named M. Duron, as the tag on his black suitcase indicated. The sleeve for his nonexistent left arm was pinned inside his jacket.
6. Parading up and down the platform was a woman in her 30s with a “therapy dog.” At least it was on a leash.
7. Playing on the big screens at Mississauga Celebration Square was the gold medal game of wheelchair curling between China and Canada, one of their satellite countries. I’m sure it was drawing a large audience . . . or not.
8. I can’t imagine how much Mississauga taxpayers were forced to fork over for this piece of “art” outside the Central Library . . .
9. Another nauseating land acknowledgment . . .
10. Fast asleep inside the library . . .
11. Showing off how welcoming and inclusive he is, this staffer was wearing a rainbow-colored lanyard . . .
12. While walking back to the mall, I spotted an SUV with SPRM plates. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that place does keep following me around.
13. Featured on the menu at Roywoods in Square One was the chicken and oxtail combo. As they say in Texas, El Paso.
14. Nearby, I listened as a 20-something girl was telling her friend about being so, like, stressed over getting some abnormal results from recent blood work. Hmm, there’s a lot of that going around these days. Must be a coincidence . . . or not.
15. Walking through the mall, I couldn’t help but be reminded of a line from a Clint Eastwood movie in which he told his partner, “This is the Fillmore chapter of the VFW . . . Very Few Whites.”
16. The displays at A & W were touting that they’re Canadian owned and operated. And nothing screams “Canadian” like a guy wearing a turban speaking broken English.
17. When I handed him a $20 bill for the order, he acted as if I was handing him a soiled diaper. He didn’t even seem to know what to do with it and had just as much trouble canceling the transaction on the POS terminal, since he assumed I’d be paying with a card.
18. No doubt this DWAM™ made life easier for him, though how she was going to be able to eat without exposing herself to dangerous viruses remains a mystery . . .
19. I think this Japadog location is relatively new and I spotted a few people eating their Japanese hot dogs. But as I’ve said before, as they say in Texas, El Paso.
20. These two guys dressed up as sheikhs were part of the Eid market set up near the food court. “Run the world,” was the slogan on the sign. Elsewhere, in the Food District, Refuel Juicery had a Ramadan special on their sugarcane juice. Forgive me for thinking I was in the Middle East.
21. Everyone behind the counter at Uncle Tetsu’s Japanese Cheesecake was wearing a dipshit mask.
22. In each of the washrooms in the mall, there was a 10-second timer on the hand dryer. It didn’t stop after 10 seconds and instead just kept flashing “00,” but they were clearly trying to guilt-trip us into not using excessive amounts of energy.
23. I noticed this “Code of Conduct” posted outside the City Center Bus Terminal. For those of you reading from the Old Country, you can stop laughing now.
24. Pulling out of the Trafalgar Road Park & Ride in Oakville was a black woman driving who was wearing a dipshit mask inside her gray car. She was alone in the car.
25. Here at the Grimsby stop, lots of the white stuff, but no snow . . .
26. Not long after leaving the Grimsby stop, I spotted a tow truck on the QEW headed in the opposite direction with a GO bus on the hook.
27. While taking the exit at Beamsville, our driver slammed on the brakes for no apparent reason, sending a number of backpacks flying.
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