On the Road – Free Cables, Gay Bread, Duck Ringing and More
February 1, 2025
Highlights and lowlights from another bus trek to and from Hamilton:
1. Upon arrival at Fairview Mall, a Muslim guy who was having trouble with the machine asked for my help on how to buy a ticket to Niagara Falls using his Presto card. I explained that he didn’t need to buy a ticket, rather, he just needed to tap the card when getting on and off the bus. Soon after, another Muslim guy who spoke only broken English asked me for help on how to use the debit card reader. Once again, I certainly don’t mind helping out, but this is yet another example as to why Metrolinx should consider offering me a job as a part-time customer service ambassador.
2. Boarding the #12 GO bus along with me was an uptight DWAM™ toting a bag with “New California Republic” on it. If I had taken the poison injections, I’d be pretty ornery too. So I couldn’t say that I blamed her.
3. Also boarding at Fairview Mall was a Muslim DWAM™ who took down her dipshit mask when she got to the top of the stairs. Evidently dangerous viruses don’t travel to up to higher altitudes, so she must have figured she was safe. She should probably consider moving to a place like British Columbia, where she can go to the top of a mountain and be really safe.
4. Boarding at Grimsby was an older woman who said, “Good morning, how are you?” to the driver as she tapped her card.
5. Free Ethernet cables in the shelter at the corner of Barton and Centennial . . .
6. Big Mama and Old Scruffy Guy with his pants cut at the knees. Another day on the Barton bus.
7. Also boarding the Barton bus was an older guy with a cap that read “Quebec Canada.” Well, which is it, Quebec or Canada?
8. This woman looked like she was still in her pajamas. But at least she had the good sense to have a Snoopy dangling from her walker.
9. Gay bread . . .
10. When paying for her purchase, a woman in the Hamilton Farmers’ Market said, “Made in Ontario right? . . . Not the 51st state . . . What a jackass,” the latter comment presumably directed at Donald Trump. Yet people like her fail to consider that her own government has done us far more harm than any foreign power.
11. Ring the duck . . .
12. In the food court at Jackson Square, some bum was going from table to table soliciting donations to his favorite charity. And someone actually gave him a couple of coins.
13. Elsewhere in Jackson Square, I spotted a DWAM™ wearing a toque with “WOOO!” on it.
14. Above the entrance at Durand Coffee was a horseshoe and next to the door was a sign, “What good shall I do today?”
15. Seated next to me was a couple of older women, one a heavy-set Caucasian, the other dark-skinned with all of two upper teeth. Heavy-Set Woman said she comes there once a week, her mother’s birthday is on October 24 and that she’s taking a class at McMaster on Christian culture and culture in churches on Tuesday mornings. It’s nice to get away from downtown, she said. It’s something to do. Something to keep your mind occupied and something to keep your brain from going to mush. She went on to say that she’s taking a 10- or 11-day tour to Nova Scotia in May, which includes accommodation and meals. It’s expensive, she said. But she’s getting the seniors’ rate because she’s over 65 and got it on a Black Friday deal. Two-Tooth Woman said that all she’ll be doing is going to see her daughter and spending time with her.
16. Seated across from me was some artificially perky 20-something woman who was meeting with Jackson Philpot to discuss a proposal. “This is a good spot for a meeting,” she said, despite the fact that she and others had trouble finding a seat in the cramped little hole in the wall. She went on to say that she was completing her masters and working for a nonprofit.
17. Back in Jackson Square, there were long lines of odd characters at both available ATMs, including one cheery Chinese guy with one tooth. At first I thought it might have been ODSP day, but then I remembered the Doug Ford bribe checks that went out.
18. Seated next to me in the food court were a couple of low-functioning older guys who had their heads down working on multiple scratch-and-lose tickets and desperately trying to decipher the instructions. It was a truly pathetic sight. On the other side was a guy who looked somewhat normal, but had a long ticket from what looked to be the Lotto 6/49. As they say, a lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.
19. Stationed outside the washroom was a security guard who had a pair of handcuffs on his belt.
20. Things have gotten so bad at Jackson Square that normal-looking people really stand out.
21. At the Confederation GO stop, I was again asked for help on how to use the ticket machine, as a woman was trying to buy a ticket to St. Catharines, yet it kept showing Grimsby as the starting point and wouldn’t let her change it. Though Metrolinx’s unpaid customer care ambassador was on hand, there was nothing I could do.
22. Once she bought her ticket, she got on the phone with someone. After saying that tequila was made from cactus, she said they were going out for dinner. “My dinner plate is literally $60. So just buy the gift certificate for the $30 tip,” she said. She then said she just got her Doug Ford bribe check and lamented how Ford and Justin Trudeau are so tight. “We’re in a position where we’re voting people out instead of voting people in,” she said. “That’s a dangerous position to be in. Everyone on the ballot is shit.” She moved on and talked about Trump, saying, “To remove that security clearance from Fauci is huge.”
23. Back at Fairview Mall was this dipshit with a hula hoop. A DWAH™.
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