Over the River LXXXIX
April 24, 2025
Highlights and lowlights from my 89th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. While waiting for the regional bus at Fairview Mall, I spotted a fatso wearing a sleeveless top waddling out of the nearby Fit 4 Less location. Based on all that blubber on full display, she certainly needs their services, but they won’t do her much good unless she stops doing additional workouts at the nearby Dairy Queen.
2. For the third time, a regional transit driver stamped over a scratched spot on my 10-ride card, thus letting me ride like Winnipegger. Perhaps it’s all part of a frequent-rider discount program.
3. Ahead of me in line at U.S. Customs was a white car with New York plates that, following a lengthy interrogation, got routed into secondary.
4. When boarding the #40 Buffalo-bound bus, the driver asked me how far I was going and if I had ridden in that area before. It was hard to tell if he was concerned for my safety since I probably stand out as a non-local or if he thought my bike was in bad shape, which it isn’t. But whatever the case, I found it odd that I got more scrutiny from him than I did at customs.
5. Upon taking my seat, I listened as there was much conversation about how the #40 bus didn’t show up one day last week. One woman suggested it was because they were having trouble finding enough drivers.
6. Outside Kelly’s Country Store on Grand Island was a rainbow-colored bunny with “Happy Easter” emblazoned on it. Perhaps the message should have been “Happy Gay Easter” instead.
7. A piece of trailer trash who scrambled to get one last puff in before boarding on Grand Island told the driver she wasn’t sure which side of the street he’d be on. Perhaps it’s all those puffs that have fried her brain to the point that she doesn’t know if a southbound bus would be in the southbound lane.
8. Several crews were busy painting over graffiti on Niagara Street near the Scajaquada. One has to wonder why they bother. Those areas will probably get tagged again before nightfall.
9. A Bills-related mural on Delavan Avenue . . .
10. Farther down Delavan Avenue was a car with a bumper sticker which stated, “Tell your dog I said hi.”
11. Behind the counter at Overwinter Coffee in Elmwood Village was a young girl with a nose ring talking with a customer. She was wondering, like, how the exhibits are going to go. When talking about the construction taking place outside, she said it will, like, be nice in the summer when it’s finished.
12. Seated nearby was a pair in their mid-30s involved in a heavy conversation. “My brother is, like, my closest confidante,” she said to her friend. “My son has, like, anxiety,” she went on to say. “It was, like, my bad as a parent.” Later, she said, “I just had to tell you, like, that conversation was, like, a starting point. It was such a, like, breath of fresh air when you told me to take a vacation. My son has not had one single family trip in his life.”
13. Circle the (expletive) wagons!
14. Socks in the window of some boutique on Elmwood Avenue . . .
15. Gayness on display in Allentown . . .
16. If the funding came through a NYS grant, it wasn’t courtesy of the assemblymember, it was “courtesy” of the NYS taxpayers.
17. Not far from this scene was a DWAM™ walking down the sidewalk with a medical-grade N95 dipshit mask. Outside. Clearly, he was another one of many with serious mental health issues.
18. Words of wisdom . . .
19. Passing me as I was walking into the library was some scruffy dude who waved in my general direction and said, “Happy Wednesday.”
20. Someone else with serious mental health issues. Fortunately, I didn’t see many on the day, unlike past postwar trips to Buffalo.
21. Whereas I locked up my bike at the nearest rack and walked inside the Metropolitan Transportation Center, some dude rode his bike inside and was going up and down the aisles before stopping at the convenience store, all in full view of three transit police officers sitting behind the glass.
22. Before taking off, the driver of the outbound #77 bus was busy on his phone checking his refund status on the IRS’s website. Then he started talking to another driver who was also on a layover. After giving his colleague a full rundown of the #77 route, he said he had three years to go before retirement.
23. One of the passengers who boarded downtown was a black she-male pushing a two-wheeled cart and speaking in a high-pitched voice to someone on the phone. That phone had a rainbow-colored background and he/she was also sporting rainbow-colored sandals. As if it wasn’t already obvious enough that he/she was a switch-hitter. Later, he/she began speaking Spanish with an older couple who boarded on North Division Street.
24. For the second straight trip, ahead of me approaching the toll booth at the Rainbow Bridge was a Canadian who had been turned around at U.S. Customs.
25. Serving me at the toll booth was a young girl not a day over 18 with long light blue nails who greeted me with a, “Hi there, dear!” After I paid my $1.00 toll, she said, “Stay safe and enjoy the sunshine when it pops back out.”
26. On the GO bus that took me back to St. Catharines, boarding at Niagara College was a dude wearing a light blue turban whose Presto card was rejected. “This card is locked,” he said. “It’s my brother’s card.” The driver asked if he had a debit card or a credit card. “I don’t have a bank account,” he replied. “I’ll see if I have a card on my phone.” Sure enough, after a minute or so, he found it and it worked.
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