On the Road – Toilet Paper, Korean Dipshits, Lobster Trucks and More
August 2, 2025
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s trek to and from Pearson Airport:
1. The grandmother of the two young kids playing on the ground by the bus stop at Fairview Mall was carrying a roll of toilet paper. You never know when the call of nature will come, I suppose.
2. Farther down the platform was a chunky woman wearing a T-shirt from Wendy’s with the message, “Never too much bacon” on the back. Give her credit, she practices what she preaches.
3. For anyone so inclined, Dippin’ Dots ice cream in the Burlington GO station will set you back $6.50. And the machine doesn’t accept cash either.
4. As was the case in my last trip, there were two fare inspectors on the platform at Burlington GO. For the record, fare evaders can be cited even before boarding the train, as there are signs clearly posted that you are entering a fare paid zone.
5. Unlike the case in past trips when I’ve caught an express train, there were no announcements made to that effect until the train had left Clarkson. Apparently, you were just supposed to know.
6. Another one of the characters at Union . . .
7. A way for stoned-out potheads to pick up a few extra bucks . . .
8. Once again, I wonder how many Torontonians who see this ad wonder where or what is Saskatchewan . . .
9. New at Terminal 1 at Pearson is a Drug Smart Pharmacy for those hopelessly addicted to Big Pharma’s products.
10. This dude perched next to the out-of-town vans counter on the arrivals level of Terminal 3 seemed to be fast asleep. Perhaps he had a long wait for his ride.
11. At the Korean Air counter, there were two lines for Bag Drop and one line for Morning Calm Bag Drop.
12. One family bound for the Philippines was wheeling several boxes toward the check-in counters. I can only wonder how much they had to pay for all that extra baggage.
13. If you want your luggage wrapped in plastic, it will set you back $22 per suitcase. Plus tax.
14. Cell phones have become such a thing that they have their own waiting area now . . .
15. There were a couple of dozen 20-something-aged kids getting off a flight from Seoul, and nearly every one of them was wearing a dipshit mask. Oy.
16. After placing my order at Wendy’s in Terminal 3, the manager pointed me to the chip reader. I felt good about ruining her day when I pulled out cash instead.
17. All around the arrival gates were wireless phone providers. Get your Canadian SIM card now, they say. Is being connected every second of every day really that important? My phone rang three times all last week and they were all robocalls. And I can go more than an hour without checking my inbox and not risk a life-threatening anxiety attack.
18. Seated behind me on the #40 GO bus leaving Pearson were two women, each originally from Newfoundland. “I live in, like, north Burlington. Like, 40 or 45 minutes from here,” said the first one. “If there’s no, like, traffic. My son lives, like, around Churchill Park in St. John’s,” Her friend added. “I, like, live in the Etobicoke area and there’s, like, a GO train.”
After explaining how her husband got corporate tickets for some recently held rock concert, Etobicoke Woman said, “Our weather has changed so much. It’s, like, a major change. In St. John’s, you usually don’t, like, need air conditioning, but now you do. And when you have thunderstorms, it’s, like, 15 minutes and it’s done. Now it’s longer.” Without directly saying so, she undoubtedly believes the only solution is to pay more taxes. Actually, what people like her really mean is that others need to be paying more taxes. Not her. But I digress.
“There’s so much, like, to do in St. John’s,” Etobicoke Woman went on to say. “I wished I, like, lived back there,” added Burlington Woman. “All the trails and ruggedness.” Then why come here? I wondered. You sure don’t catch me talking wistfully about the SPRM. Especially on that day, when I was commemorating the 11th anniversary of my defection from that place. But again, I digress.
“There’s a guy with a lobster truck,” Burlington Woman said about someone in St. John’s. “He’s got, like, lobster rolls. He has fresh lobster. But I like cod.”
She went on to talk about how she paid her GO fare. “I bought my ticket from a machine,” she said. “But if you, like, activate a pass from the app, it’s, like, valid for five days.”
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