On the Road – Customer Care, Bland Agents, Pigeon Rescues and More
November 30, 2025
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s visit to Hamilton:
1. Upon arrival at the Fairview Mall bus stop, I noticed an older woman staring blankly at the ticket machine, which was about to time out of the transaction she was in the middle of. Uh oh, I thought. I’m about to get called upon in my unofficial role as a Metrolinx customer care rep. Sure enough, upon getting closer, she asked, “Do you know how this machine works?” I do. And obviously she doesn’t. But after one look at her, I noticed that she does know how to put on rouge. A lot of it.
“I’m trying to buy a ticket to Burlington and then to Oshawa,” she said.
“Just buy one ticket to Oshawa,” I replied.
She went through the screens. “It’s not here,” she said.
Oshawa wasn’t one of the choices. But there was a keyboard that popped up enabling her to search for it. That seemed to freak her out.
“Type it in,” I said.
Finally, she did. Several choices came up, one of which was the Durham College/Oshawa GO station.
“Which one should I pick?” she asked.
I pointed her to the Oshawa GO station button on her right. But she kept stabbing at the choices on her left. “On your right,” I said. Three times. I wasn’t going to hold her hand. At last, she listened to me. She selected the senior fare, then put her TD Visa card on the reader. It didn’t beep. So she put it in the card reader and typed in her PIN. Still nothing. “It’s not working,” she said.
I pointed her to the screen. It was asking her if she wanted a receipt. “You have to answer the question first,” I said.
Reluctantly, she did. Then remarkably, it worked. She got her ticket, thanked me and went back to her car to wait for the bus.
Oy. I’m really losing tolerance for idiots.
2. Upon going up to the upper level of the bus, one whiff told me that someone had cut the cheese. While navigating through the gas cloud, I couldn’t help but be reminded of a former colleague who used to hobble around the office and fart at random intervals while sharing his wisdom with the rest of us. “DNA cloning isn’t all that hard,” was one of his winning lines.
3. Just what people need are more experimental meds . . .
4. I could only shake my head as I watched an older woman in the food court at Lime Ridge Mall making her way through a pile of scratch-and-lose tickets.
5. For anyone in need of a real estate agent without any personality . . .
6. Ahead of me walking down the mountain at Arkledun Avenue was a dude wearing a black Chipman toque who climbed over the concrete barrier separating the busy roadway from the sidewalk to rescue an injured pigeon. Having successfully gotten the pigeon and himself off the road without either being hit, he carefully wrapped it up in his jacket and carried it down the mountain to safety.
7. With the gay and orange poles, St. Joseph’s Hospital is covering all the bases for their required special-interest groveling. If only they cared half as much about health care.
8. Make yourself at home on James Street . . .
9. Spotted on the QEW was a vanity Ontario plate “IMNEWFIE.” If Newfoundland is so great, why come here? Come to Ontario and be an Ontarian.
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