29 May

Back to the Universe’s Center

Highlights and pictures from yesterday’s tour of the universe’s center:

1. Free cane:

2. Why would a street hockey tournament in Brantford be advertising on St. Catharines Transit? I know people in this part of the world think nothing of long commutes, but a one-hour drive just to play street hockey seems like a bit much.

3. Spotted on the QEW were trucks from Bison Transport and Winnipeg Motor Express. As I’ve said before, the SPRM does follow me around.

4. The pickup truck the bus was following while crossing the Burlington Skyway had a bumper sticker which read, “I used to care, but now I take a pill for that.”

5. Our GO bus driver sure didn’t let those solid white lines he crossed at the North Shore Boulevard exit cramp his style at all. Fortunately, however, traffic was moving slow enough so that it wasn’t a problem as he moved out of an exit-only lane far too late.

6. If the Lakeshore West train I was on had to stop suddenly, there were a couple of sleep-deprived women with their heads leaning against the window who would have been in for one heck of a jolt.

6a. Everyone else in my car had their heads buried in their phones. Except for me.

7. Under the heading of Something I Didn’t Need to See: A woman standing in the aisle nearby had an ass big enough to damn the might Mississippi. As my father would say, she needs to buy her dresses at Ontario Tent and Awning.

8. Again, under the heading of Something I Didn’t Need to See: A young couple seated across from me on the #1 TTC subway line were feeling each other up and the guy had his hands in his girlfriend’s crotch. As my mother would say, get a room!

9. Someone was having fun with this sign at Christie Pits Park:

10. Assorted characters at Christie Pits Park:

You won’t likely get much sound from the video, but I could hear the woman in the wheelchair from a block away as she was twirling around and filming herself before catching sight of me filming her and retreating across Bloor Street.

11. Click here for scenes in and around Koreatown.

12. No camera can capture the horrible smells coming from the various eateries around there. But I did capture the sight of what looked to be a cucumber perched inside an abandoned plate of mushy red guck. Koreatown in a microcosm.

13. Is this where people air their dirty laundry?

14. Along Bloor, I passed by someone wearing a T-shirt with some small printing on top, then “Read Something Else” in a much larger font written below. Shortly thereafter, a cyclist passed me wearing a T-shirt with “Come up to my room” written on it. It’s almost scary to think how many people earn their living coming up with slogans and messages to put on clothing.

15. The local Communist Party candidate was sharing space with a fortune teller. You can’t make stuff like this up.

16. Once again, someone stopped me on the street asking for directions and, despite not being a local, I was able to point him in the right direction.

17. Why on Earth would anyone care enough to go into such a place, let alone pay $14 for the privilege?

18. Is it any coincidence that the sign on the right is in NDP orange?

19. Shots from Philosopher’s Walk on the UCU campus:

20. Spotted this Liberal bus parked at Queen’s Park. No doubt they’re packing up and getting ready to leave. As Doug Ford says, the party’s over.

21. Oh yes, please enlighten me on this Liberal “compassion” that has put more than 300,000 Ontarians out of work, jacked up the provincial debt to record levels and made life so unaffordable for low-income families that many have to choose between heating and eating.

22. Obligatory shot of the Toronto sign at Nathan Phillips Square:

23. With temperatures breaking the 30-degree mark, I think this guy might have found it a bit warm in that jacket:

24. With those warm temperatures, I took the opportunity to explore the underground walkway system. Unlike a certain other part of the world, there were no beggars or bums like this one caught on video in Winnipeg Square taking a dump in a planter:

25. Spotted in front of Union Station was someone offering her half-eaten relish-filled hot dog to a beggar. Rather than accept the gift, however, the beggar began asking where she got it before turning away to try and solicit funds from another passer-by. Picky beggars these days, aren’t they?

26. On the Burlington-bound Lakeshore West train, I listened as a young Muslim woman of Somali origin moaned and groaned about how some friend of hers expects her to know everything and talked about the proper ways to prank someone. Then as she prepared to disembark at Port Credit, she complained bitterly about how complicated her life was because she had a phone plan with no data before leaving her partially-finished Tim Hortons beverage on the seat.

27. The guy in a suit seated across from her also left a complimentary beverage behind. Folks, this is GO, not Winnipeg Transit.

28. Every car in the lot at the Bronte station had one of these blue reminders of the proper way to vote in the upcoming provincial election:

29. I think I was the only one who boarded the #12 GO bus back to St. Catharines without any luggage. Tourist season is indeed back.

30. Among those tourists were a number from Quebec who were seated around me. Across the aisle was someone who was on the phone the entire way to St. Catharines and often put it on speakerphone so that half the bus could listen in on both ends of her conversation. I hope she is made to feel just as welcome in our country and I was when I visited hers.

25 May

Random Thoughts – Advance Poll, Tattoos, IQ Test and More

1. Today, I stopped by the St. Catharines returning office to cast my ballot, marking my first time voting in an Ontario provincial election. Though there were no problems, it turned out to be a little different experience than what I was expecting.

I walked in and was shown to a desk, then after the clerk checked my voter card and photo ID and found me on the list of registered electors, she began filling out a long “Special Application Form” on legal-size paper that I had to sign attesting that I was a Canadian citizen 18 years of age or older and that I lived at the address stated on my voter card.

Then she handed me a ballot. Not a standard ballot where you mark an ‘X’ next to the name of your chosen candidate. But one where I had to write in the name of the candidate. For reference, the names of the registered candidates were provided in the “voter screen,” but one could just as easily vote for Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear or Wile E. Coyote.

Those who have been calling for write-in ballots would no doubt be thrilled, but the whole process seemed, so, well, antiquated, for lack of a better term.

Moral of the story: It’s an advance poll. It’s not an advanced poll.

1a. As tempting as it was to vote for Duke Willis or the Libertarian candidate, I held my nose and voted for Sandie Bellows, as she has the best chance to unseat the ghost of Jim Bradley and hold off the media-enhanced threat of the Communist Party.

1b. There’s a good slogan for her campaign: Hold your nose and vote for Bellows.

2. Going through Welland earlier this week and seeing all the derelict homes with bums and assorted riff-raff roaming the streets, to say nothing of all the abandoned factories around town, it is not hard to figure out that poverty is the only thing on an upward trajectory there. Yet Wellanders do not seem to be short of cash to cover themselves in pretty little tattoos. It makes you wonder sometimes.

2a. It also makes you wonder why those same people keep voting for socialist parties whose policies have been primarily responsible for them being out of work and poor. A ballot can also be thought of as an IQ test, one that far too many people fail.

3. Though I continue to lament our lost spring, I like that temperatures have warmed up and that winter is now behind us. One unfortunate part of summer, however, is the amount of blubber on display. For the heavyweights out there, please consider dressing more modestly.

4. Dear Microsoft: I appreciate that you are on top of things and provide Windows users like me with the latest security patches. But please stop using those updates to shove unwanted Windows Store apps that I’ve uninstalled numerous times down my throat.

5. Did this company just assume the boss’s gender?

6. It doesn’t matter how many times you repeat it, it’s still wrong.

7. And you’re just supposed to know what URL to visit.

8. They probably have a good “macoroni” and cheese as well.

 

12 May

Retour à l’Outaouais

Highlights and lowlights from my third train trip in as many years to Ottawa, where I spent much of the time on the wrong side of the Rivière des Outaouais:

1. Watching the driver on the #12 GO bus shaking his leg all the way to Burlington reminded me of a slightly mentally challenged former colleague many years ago who used to do the same thing at his desk for hours on end. Thankfully, our driver did not exhibit any other tendencies that would lead me to question his stability.

2. At the Beamsville stop, the rainbow bench was still AWOL and the reward sign posted for its return was also gone, but there was a big, heaping pile of garbage in the bin that badly needed emptying.

3. If the shoes fit …

4. Someone walked through the Burlington station then boarded a Falls-bound bus with his unleashed dog following along. Since when is this allowed?

5. In the washroom at the Burlington station, rather than simply unzip his fly, one guy opted to pull his pants down to his knees before doing his business at the urinal. As a long-lost friend once said, “no visuals please.”

6. As we passed the Willowbook train yard on the Lakeshore West train, there was a sign that read, “Caution: Watch for trains.” Better to remove the sign and let the law of natural selection run its course, if you ask me.

7. While waiting at Union Station, I was accosted by someone looking for spare change for a coffee. After I declined to donate to his favorite charity, he turned to a nearby sucker who gave him a quarter.

8. Oatmeal was on the menu at The Bagel House, but it was only available during the week. I guess the designated oatmeal guy doesn’t work weekends. It is, after all, a complex dish that requires years of culinary training to prepare properly.

9. There was a flighty young woman running after a train whose boobs were flopping so hard that she undoubtedly had bruises all around her rib cage by the time she got to the platform. Tip of the day: Invest in a bra.

10. Seated nearby in the York Concourse was a guy with a big beer belly stretched out and breathing heavily. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was about to give birth.

11. Signage in Union Station is already being changed to reflect the new name of the former ACC:

12. Good to know that on Sunday, my train was indeed a Sunday departure:

13. Some kid with a hockey stick in hand was skating through the VIA concourse on roller skates. Maybe it’s just me, but it seemed like an odd place to look for a pickup game.

14. Call me ultra-picky, but I think it’s best to check the spelling before carving it in stone …

15. Among those boarding the Ottawa-bound train was someone who looked to be Kim Jong-un’s pudgy teenage son.

16. Aboard the VIA train, I recognized one of the service attendants I had on last year’s trip. What made him stand out was that he was pleasant. Because with VIA, it’s not an adventure, it’s a job.

17. Rolling through Oshawa, I spotted a cyclist riding on the left side of the white line despite having a wide bike lane. It reminded me of the times back in the Old Country when, while returning from Birds Hill Park along a very busy PTH 59, I would regularly see cyclists who preferred to go elbow-to-elbow with cars and big rigs speeding along at 60+ mph rather than use the paved shoulder that was just as wide if not wider than a car lane. No doubt those were the same yahoos who complained the loudest about not getting respect on the road.

18. Nearby in my car, three people paid for their “food” by credit card. What was noteworthy was that rather than employ some sort of electronic system, the service attendant had to rub the card against carbon paper with his thumb. Now that’s really old-fashioned. At least in the stores, they had a device with a swipe handle.

19. Among those paying with a credit card was a fat guy across the aisle who rang up a big $5 purchase for a Coke and bag of Doritos that he enjoyed thoroughly. Don’t people carry any cash these days? Especially when traveling.

20. Our car was pretty quiet except for a foursome of 20-somethings who, like, couldn’t open their, like, mouths, without, like, saying like. Like, give it a rest.

21. After the first pass, the second and subsequent food cart runs were done with lightning speed and any passengers looking to buy anything could be forgiven for blinking their eyes and missing the guy as he sped by. Once again, it’s glaringly obvious that VIA personnel care little about serving customers and trying to make a little extra money for their employer. All they care about is fulfilling the terms of their union contract to the letter and the faster they fulfilled that obligation, the better.

22. When they made a garbage run, I tossed my empty Tetra Pak into the black bag. That was apparently a major no-no as the service attendant angrily tore it out of the plastic bag I had wrapped it in, crushed it and tossed it into the white one his colleague behind him was holding. Well, excuuuuse me! No doubt, I’ll probably get a few points deducted off my VIA Préférence account for that egregious transgression.

22a. At least they were wearing gloves, unlike the case at a previous employer when they would come around and empty garbage cans with their bare hands. Once, they even fished out a bloody snot rag of mine out of the bin.

23. When going through Brockville, I spotted the Broadway Dance Academy. On Park Street.

24. On the platform at the Fallowfield station, a woman lit up while talking to her friend who had her two young kids in tow. How incredibly considerate.

25. Upon leaving the train station, I was aghast to see so many cabs waiting. If every single passenger on the train had taken a cab, I think there still would have been some left over waiting for a fare.

26. Dear City of Ottawa: Please assign someone the task of washing the windows in the pedestrian walkway over the 417 linking the train station to the ballpark and convention center.

27. En route to the Ottawa Train Yards Wal-Mart to pick up some food for the next few days, I was approached by a Caucasian woman in her late 40s. After first asking me if I spoke English, not a given in that part of the world on either side of the Rivière des Outaouais, she proceeded to give me a long sob story about how her sister was stranded at nearby St. Laurent Center with her newborn and wanted to know if I could give her bus fare. Which I declined to do.

Angry and grumbling, rather than go back to St. Laurent Center where her sister and the newborn allegedly were, she proceeded to follow me toward Wal-Mart, not bothering to hit up the next guy who passed by on the sidewalk. I kept a careful eye on her and when I turned off on a side street, she kept going.

I had to hand it to her, though, as it was a pretty creative line. These days, the beggars really are getting better at their craft. But if they devoted half as much energy into earning money as they did in trying to con people on on the street, they wouldn’t need to resort to such things.

28. Inside the Wal-Mart, there were so many disciples of Mohammed that I wondered if I was in the Ottawa Train Yards or the Tehran Train Yards.

29. Also inside the Wal-Mart, I spotted a fat woman with a tub of Haagen-Dazs in her cart. Cause and effect.

30. Shots of the Cancer Survivors Park taken on the way back to the hotel:

31. The hotel finally got the hint and stopped leaving copies of the National Post outside the door of every room each morning.

32. While eating breakfast on Monday morning, one of the staffers came by and was surprised that I was sitting in her usual spot where she stops for a break. Funny, I wasn’t aware it was reserved seating. For a moment, I thought I was at our photo club, where everyone seems to have an unofficial assigned seat.

33. Unlike the case last year, the STO buses I took on this trip were of modern vintage with automated stop announcements complete with an LED display near the front. My driver on Tuesday morning even said “merci” after I tapped my Presto card. History was indeed made on this trip.

34. Another one for the history books came when someone boarded at Rideau Center on Monday morning and began speaking to the driver in the Canadian language and again committed that heinous infraction before getting off at les Promenades station. No doubt, la Sûreté will soon be issuing warrants for their arrest.

35. Soon after getting off at Station de la Cité, I spotted a teenage girl headed for the nearby Cégep wearing a short skirt that barely covered her backside yet also wearing a thick fur-lined parka. An odd combination if I’ve ever seen one.

36. Clever little display outside a bike shop:

37. As I got closer to Boulevard Gréber, I got an awfully foul look from a heavy-set guy in his late 50s who passed me on the sidewalk. It is a look I would get again later in the day along the Lac Leamy trail from someone who did a severe double-take after looking at my “Make Speech Free Again” hat. It was probably the combination of the message and the fact that it was written in the Canadian language, something that could have gotten me tossed in the same jail cell as the aforementioned passenger and STO driver.

38. I heard a “rumeur” …

39. There’s nothing “routine” about a dish that looks like a cow with diarrhea unloaded on a plate of fries.

40. La Ville de Gatineau thinks it makes perfect sense to do street cleaning on a busy roadway during the Monday morning rush hour. I would wager that the majority of its residents disagree.

41. Near the A-50 interchange at Boulevard la Vérendrye, I spotted this orange chair on the ground. Perhaps it was left over from the $9.50 ice level seating at the Winnipeg Arena.

42. Walking down Rue du Barry, I was approached by a Jehovah’s Witness who handed me a pamphlet and said something in Quebecese. Yes, they have them all over the place. Even in Quebec.

43. Also on Rue du Barry, I saw someone on a mobility scooter eschewing the sidewalk and going on the road. Normally, I strongly disapprove of that practice as we spend oodles of money making ramps on sidewalks. But in this case, I couldn’t blame him given the deplorable condition of the sidewalk. Just as I noted last year, given how much money that country sucks out of Canada and the extent to which they tax themselves, what on Earth do they spend it on?

44. When I went to the washroom at les Promenades and again later at les Galeries de Hull, I had a surprisingly hard time deciphering the gender of the silhouettes. Just put the text in there and I’ll figure it out.

45. The level of courtesy on the Canadian side was certainly nothing to write home about, but it was much worse on the Quebec side. Several times on my travels, I stopped to let cars pass and not a single one waved to thank me. I even held the door open for someone at les Promenades and didn’t even get a grudging “merci” out of it. Even Toronto looks really good by comparison and it made me appreciate St. Catharines so much more.

46. A couple of shots at Station de la Gappe, one of the Rapibus stations I passed on my travels:

47. While stopped at this little park off Rue Jacques-Cartier where, oddly, a Canadian flag was flying, I saw an older woman walk across the road without looking, forcing a cyclist with the right of way to stop to avoid hitting her. Then two guys in scooters went by side-by-side, taking up both lanes on the two-way bike path. Once again, the lack of consideration was palpable.

48. Shots of a tour boat docked near the Pont Lady-Aberdeen that spans the Gatineau River:

49. A three-way stop sign in Quebec:

50. Scenes along the Lac Leamy trail:

51. At the very busy intersection of Boulevard du Casino and Boulevard de la Carrière, an older guy on a bike was going the wrong way and didn’t budge as a big rig was trying to make a difficult turn to avoid turning him into compost. Bienvenue au Québec!

52. As I’ve said before, the SPRM just keeps following me around:

53. Even in Quebecese, I can spot misspellings such as this “burreau”:

54. I shudder to think of how much I paid for this “art”:

55. Approaching the Macdonald-Cartier International Bridge, I noticed this sign instructing cyclists to walk their bikes across. It is a regulation I haven’t seen obeyed during any of my crossings of that bridge.

56. Though I remain satisfied with the hotel, I was unable to use the safety lock in the room and this thread on the carpet was there throughout my stay. Given that they only spend about three and a half seconds vacuuming each room, I suspect that it’s probably still there.

57. As I noticed last year, the sidewalk on Wellington seems to be a speedway for cyclists and anyone waiting for a bus at the busy stop right in front of the Parliament buildings needs to keep their head on a swivel.

58. On Tuesday morning, when someone got off the #33 STO bus I was on, he said “thank you” to the driver. There are times I wish I had that kind of nerve.

59. Some artwork on the grounds outside Cégep Gabrielle-Roy:

60. An NDP supporter who needs to work on his spray-painting skills:

61. Approaching Saint-Raymond from Cité-des-Jeunes, I started hearing a bunch of sirens, then I looked to my left and saw the billows of smoke coming from this car on fire:

62. In my return trip to les Galeries de Hull, I stopped into one store that sold books and novelties. All the books inside the store were in Quebecese and anyone wanting a book in the Canadian language was forced to go to a special section by the entrance, almost as if they didn’t want the rest of the store polluted with such vile material.

Just imagine if anyone tried such a thing on the Canadian side. I can just hear the cries from the perpetually aggrieved Quebecers who would complain bitterly about being stigmatized and excluded.

63. English training is allowed in Quebec?

64. Crossing Saint-Joseph at Rue Amherst after getting a walk sign, a cyclist coming the wrong way down Saint-Joseph blew off the red light and would have run into me if I did not stop. He didn’t apologize or as much as turn his head and instead kept going down the street. Bienvenue au Québec!

65. At the A-50 interchange at Boulevard des Allumettières, this bum was approaching cars stopped at the red light presumably looking for donations to his favorite charity:

66. Near Place du Centre was a man and a woman standing in the middle of the sidewalk busily chatting away. When I passed them for the second time, I made no effort to avoid the woman’s bag that she was swinging out. If you want to act like jerks, expect to be treated accordingly.

67. I noticed these cleverly designed bike racks outside Place du Centre, which are good for areas with limited space. Standing your bike up, you hook up your front wheel near the top and lock the frame to the pole.

68. Shot of Gatineau city hall:

69. On the Alexandra Bridge going back to Canada, the pathway was chock full of cyclists and joggers going on both sides of me. It’s much less congested on the other bridges and if I should make a return visit, I’ll make a point of avoiding it.

70. Shot of the Parliament buildings from the overlook on the Canadian side of the Alexandra Bridge:

71. While going through Byward Market, I spotted a “Diversity Barbershop.” As they say in Texas, El Paso. The last thing I want is a left-wing political lecture while getting my hair cut.

Also spotted in the area was an “Upward Dog Yoga Center.” Yoga for dogs?

72. Speaking of dogs, I saw very few of them in my travels on both sides of the border. That’s about the only good thing I can say about the area.

73. On the bus ride back to the hotel, one woman got on and asked the driver for some directions. Once satisfied she was headed in the right direction, rather than take a seat on the largely empty bus, she opted to stand right by the door and obstruct the narrow passageway. Many people getting on and off over the next half hour were forced to squeeze past her, including one who obviously had some problems with her leg, yet this jerk would not budge, even after the driver told her that her stop was not coming for quite a while.

Farther down Vanier, she then pulled out a piece of paper showing the driver where she needed to go. We were then made to wait while the driver called into dispatch for directions and then draw her a map pointing the way.

Look, I get being a tourist. But when I go to a different city, I do my homework. Just like she should have done. It’s not fair to jump on public transit and expect the driver to be your personal travel concierge. Next time, if you don’t know where you’re going, hail a cab.

74. While eating breakfast on Wednesday morning before leaving to catch the train, three guys in suits came into the dining room with stethoscopes around their necks. No, the food wasn’t so bad that they felt they might have needed them. They were just showing off.

75. Parking fail at the VIA station:

76. At the VIA station, it wasn’t until past 8:15 that they began allowing passengers to board for the 8:25 Toronto-bound train. So rushed was the process that people were still walking through the car and getting settled when the train took off. Note to VIA staff, try allowing for a little extra time instead of walking around chatting with yourselves.

77. At the back of the car was a group of young boys from Fern Hill School, a private school in Ottawa only about a block off the #9 bus that I’ve since become very familiar with.

78. Over the next four hours, I would learn a lot about the big-shot federal government employee in front of me who was traveling with her annoying and very restless daughter. Ms. Big Shot spent the first two hours reading and replying to emails regarding CCS policy documents and gaps and unclear points in legislation. She then made sure to ask for a receipt after ordering a sandwich and drink, no doubt so she could get me to cover the $9.75 cost.

Once we got past Kingston, she began to check real estate listings and did some searches as to where to live in Victoria. Her next target was a furniture store in France, where she had her eye on an easy chair for 100 euros.

While perusing furniture, her daughter was busy chomping on chips half a bag at a time, which sounded like she was crushing boulders, all while listening to music on her high-quality Bose headphones. Nothing but the best for the daughter of a government employee.

79. Across the aisle was a fat woman who ordered a ham croissant she hardly needed for $7.50 and was reading a book on how to present yourself on social media. As I would later learn, she was going to Toronto for five days for a convention.

80. I listened as Pierre, our service attendant, explained to another passenger that he had been with VIA for 12 years. He said that though they didn’t have a good reputation when he first started with them, today, they’ve got the best in the industry. Sorry, Pierre, you and your colleagues still have a lot of work to do.

Interestingly, he bore a striking resemblance to Dale Hunter, the ex-Quebec Nordique and current coach of the London Knights.

81. Nearby on the Burlington-bound Lakeshore West train was this salty looking dude hauling a couple of well-worn suitcases in a baby stroller:

Rather than take a seat, he was leaning against a pole, using a rolled-up sweater as a cushion. Later, the pole became too uncomfortable for him, so he went to lean up against a wall. Then he dug out and began eating some pistachios from a bag he got at 30% off, being at least considerate enough to pick up a shell that fell on the ground.

Before he got off at Port Credit, I noticed some brown stains on the back of his shorts as he was playing with his troublesome right ankle.

82. I know the sign at the bottom is meant to indicate hailing a cab, but it’s much too similar to a Nazi salute.

83. On the #12 GO bus back to St. Catharines, they had installed a new floor-to-ceiling luggage rack just behind the wheelchair seating on the first level. Given the amount of luggage I’ve seen on Falls-bound buses over the busy summer months, it was long overdue.

01 May

Garbage Day

Things I learned on garbage day around my neighborhood:

1. My neighbor has a preference for Gino’s Pizza, though others lean toward Domino’s and Little Caesars.

2. My neighbor bought a big Nerf toy for her young son. I’m sure I’ll be seeing the kid playing with it in the front yard soon.

3. Many were obviously spending a lot of quality time with their shredders recently. There were four full bags of shredded documents in front of one house down the street.

4. The house down the street that was flying his Canadian flag upside down finally figured out which way was up. Insert sarcastic applause here.

5. The traditional bucket from the Colonel even stands out in a garbage bag. I wonder if their advertising executives thought of that angle.

6. Farther away, someone has a serious Coke addiction.

7. A block away from Mr. Coke was someone who just bought a chandelier with 636 crystal beads. Trust me, when it starts accumulating dust and spider webs, you’ll be sorry.

8. Spotted near a garbage pile was a box top from a Tops-brand product. Shopping across the river, I see.

9. The Quali-Cat litter box seems to be popular.