20 Apr

Random Act of Malice

Seconds after leaving Deacon’s Corner today, I spotted a curious-looking item lying in middle of the shoulder.

In my travels, I see plenty of junk lying on the road and in the ditch. There are times I think there is more garbage on the side of Manitoba highways than there is in the Brady Road landfill site. Unfortunately, this was no ordinary piece of trash cavalierly discarded out of a motorist’s window.


As you can see, this is a steak knife, deliberately and carefully placed with the blade up, just waiting for an unsuspecting motorist or cyclist to drive over it and Saskatchewanize their tire. As I investigated further, I noticed that someone had kicked enough sand up to the base to keep it upright so the wind wouldn’t blow it over.

Inconsiderate behavior in this part of the world hardly warrants front-page news. This stunt, however, struck me as particularly insidious. The sick-minded individual who planted this booby trap on the highway might call it clever, but other words such as malicious and nasty come to mind. In any event, I foiled this person’s attempt at humor by kicking the knife off the highway.

Another day, another random act of malice in the Socialist People’s Republic of Manitoba.

09 Apr

More Manitoba Moments

A bum heads for a dumpster and pokes his head in
He moves on quickly, the pickings must be slim

Another aimlessly wanders across the road not caring where the cars were
Speeding traffic was evidently of little concern to her


An attention-starved jogger illegally runs on the street, this is rude
It’s too bad Winnipeg cops don’t have the balls to ticket this obnoxious dude


Someone is “hireing” a new employee
This place doesn’t see the need to use a dictionary

Moving indoors, a pillar of these great lands
Takes a leak and leaves without washing his hands

Then another stands next to me
Grunting like a stuck pig as he takes a pee

I followed someone whose pants had a large trap door
There was a rip down his leg two feet or more


If you order chicken “shnitzel” at this restaurant when they ring the dinner bell
Hope they can cook better than they can spell

Yet another adventure in the heart of this mecca of socialism
Leaves me only with an increased level of cynicism

06 Apr

Pity for Leafs Fans

During this past summer, it must have seemed like a dream
When the schedule makers gave you a late-season date with the league’s worst-run team

Down the stretch, your team would surely need a win
With the easy two points, maybe the Leafs would get in

It did not take the Amazing Kreskin for foresee
That in early April, your woe begotten opponents would be ready to take to the first tee

All they had to do was give it a halfway decent showing
Instead, fans were left crying and moaning

Because there can be nothing more emasculating to a player or a fan
Than to lose to a team run by Mark Chipman

The playoffs are something Chipman’s team will never see
For this year, neither will the Leafs, since misery loves company