Recent PostsOn the Road – Weird Characters, Bad Geography, Proper Coffee and More
July 8, 2026
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s trek to and from the universe’s center:
1. This character was one of many waiting for the GO bus at Fairview Mall. Interestingly, I would later spot him in Toronto at the corner of Queen and Jarvis after getting off the streetcar.
2. Boarding a #305 Niagara Transit bus at Fairview Mall was a Caucasian woman in a Tim Hortons uniform. Obviously just a token hire.
3. Taking a seat next to me at Beamsville was a woman who had recently doused herself in some sort of body wash or perfume that smelled like sweet popcorn. It was one of those rare occasions in which I wish I wearing a dipshit mask.
4. Boarding at Confederation was a chunky black woman wearing a dipshit mask. But in fairness, I didn’t spot too many DWAMs™ during the day. Likely not because they’ve opened their eyes, but because they’re dropping like flies and/or having serious health problems.
5. On the express train to Union, this guy was using the time to catch up on some sleep.
6. Not far from him was someone who spent much of the ride holding a Nintendo Switch device to his ear.
7. No, I didn’t know, nor did I care.
8. One of many who were passed out at Union. Perched on top of the white plastic bag was a well-worn English dictionary.
9. Spotted at the Queen station was someone wearing a Chipman cap. As a good friend and loyal reader would say, “Loser!”
10. Also waiting for a streetcar at the corner of Queen and Church was a disheveled older woman with a nose ring and bright pink toenails.
11. While on the streetcar, I listened as a black woman was talking with her two teenage children. “Last week, it was, like, so hot,” she said. “I was, like, so mad.” Then they began talking about Buffalo. Her son thought it was close to Detroit. After checking his phone, he saw that Buffalo was in New York State. “But if it’s in New York, there must be vineyards around,” his mother said. “It must be like Brampton is to Toronto.” Obviously under the impression that Buffalo is a suburb of New York City.
After checking her phone, her daughter said, “It’s basically in upstate of New York. There’s upstate and downstate. Places like Pennsylvania are, like, upstate.”
The son openly asked if Chicago was close to New York before the daughter added, “Places like Pittsburgh and Cleveland, that’s all upstate. Philadelphia and Boston, that’s, like, downstate.”
She then said, “I definitely want to buy a house in the States.”
“Not with Trump,” said the son. “No way.”
Some strange guy then interrupted this exchange, pointing out that a building they just passed used to be a morgue. “My brother is two years older,” he said. “He got shot right in the head. My mother had a stroke and was paralyzed for nine months. Death affects so many people.” Then he promptly got off at the next stop.
“I see him every day,” said the daughter.
Before they got off, the son said, “Elon Musk, he was a trillionaire. But not anymore. He lost $240 million recently. Some expenses.”
12. I’m sure those who need the paramedics are comforted knowing that they’re so welcoming and inclusive . . .
13. Must be of legal eating age . . .
14. As opposed to improper coffee . . .
15. Would you really buy something with this brand name?
16. Elsewhere in St. Lawrence Market, I was following someone wearing a golf shirt with “Snoopy Social Club” on the back.
17. As I was leaving, three Asian women pulled up to the front entrance on rented Tangerine bikes. Two of them were wearing dipshit masks. Outside.
18. Leaving Union, the customer service ambassador on the Lakeshore West train made sure to give us his name. It used to be an everyday occurrence, but it was the first time in a long while that a CSA had actually introduced him or herself.
19. Metrolinx lectures us about not standing in a no-standing zone, yet here at Mimico, three of their own employees were doing just that while shooting the shit. Do as we say, not as we do.
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