Recent PostsOn the Road – Dog Photographers, IQ Tests, Rolling Day Care Centers and More
July 26, 2026
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s bus trek to and from Burlington:
1. En route to the bus stop at Fairview Mall, I passed a Tim Davinder Hortons, where someone driving a black pickup truck pulled up to the drive-thru and ordered a black coffee and a raisin bran muffin. Someone who obviously needed a little help with getting the flow going.
2. After using the ticket machine at Fairview Mall, an Asian kid just kept standing in front of it and began doing something on his phone, oblivious to those around him like me who were waiting to use it.
3. Amazingly, I was able to load funds on my Presto card, and I only had to feed the $20 bill into the machine four times before it was finally accepted. I guess Metrolinx defines that as “fixed.”
4. After pulling up 15 minutes late, the driver opened the door, got off and asked the throng of waiting passengers, “Who’s upset with me? Raise your hand.”
5. Two people among that throng asked the driver if he was going to Burlington. A trip isn’t complete without it.
6. Once we finally got rolling with a bus so full many people had to stand, the driver got on the intercom and announced, “This is Otis, your driver. It is a pleasure to have you on board. By the time you get to your destination, you will get so much information that you will forget that we are late.”
As we approached the Confederation stop, he began giving us a history lesson on Hamilton. “Hamilton is a big deal,” he said. “It was originally Head of the Lake, then later renamed for politician George Hamilton in 1833. It was incorporated as a city in 1846, and in 1847, it got the nickname, ‘The Ambitious City.’” No mention, of course, of the “Shithole City” moniker of more recent times. He went on to say that Hamilton has had the most nicknames “in the entire Canada,” and that it was the home of McMaster University, which was founded in Toronto, but later moved to Hamilton.
Later on, he gave a similar history lesson about Burlington. But among all those tidbits of information, he failed to address why he was so late.
“Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be your driver today,” he said before most of us, including me, disembarked. As if we had the opportunity to select him as our driver.
7. Among the many who were standing was a young woman whose backpack was in my face for much of the ride who had hula-hoop-sized earrings.
8. A new addition to the Burlington GO station. An opportunity to give the government more of your hard-earned money before embarking on the next stage of your journey. Just tap your credit card. And make sure you let the machine scan your photo ID. What could go wrong?
9. Just say no to rugs . . .
10. One of the joggers at the Burlington Waterfront said, “I like running in the cold.” If he thought that warm summer day was “cold,” I couldn’t imagine what he would think of Winnipeg in January.
11. Also at the Burlington Waterfront was a woman who was taking pictures of her dog with her DSLR camera. Later, a guy stopped and offered to snap a few shots of her together with her dog.
12. While out on the pier, I listened as a woman wearing a Smurf-blue top told her friend that she knocked her front teeth in. She tried to put them back and hoped she wouldn’t need veneers. Her dentist later said it can take 12-18 months to get the feeling back. “They, like, turned black to make it, like, more obvious,” she said. She went on to say that they had to put cement in there to stop them from going back any farther. “I can eat with them now, but not like apples or anything. I couldn’t handle an Egg McMuffin. I, like, bought kitchen shears and was, like, cutting everything up and putting it in either side.”
13. For anyone who needed to charge their electronic device, these power packs in Burlington Center were available for rent at $2 per hour or $4 for the whole day. Or one could simply have used the plugs and/or USB ports a few steps away for free. Another IQ test that I’m sure many people fail.
14. Going through the mall directory was a younger woman wearing a purple dipshit mask. The DWAMs™ are still out there.
15. Just leave your cart full of goodies out on the sidewalk . . .
16. OK, what’s wrong with this picture?
17. Seated across from me at the Burlington GO station was a scruffy dude with all of his fingers save for two on his right hand cut off at the knuckle. He was struggling mightily trying to open a soft drink can and had an even harder time lifting it up without dropping it.
18. As the #12D GO bus was pulling out of the Burlington GO station, a woman who had just gotten off a Burlington Transit bus was waving her arms trying to get the driver’s attention. Instead, he blew her off and turned onto Fairview Street. OK, the regular #12 was right there at the stop. But still . . .
19. The entire upper level of that GO bus was a rolling day care center as kids were constantly screaming. A GO outing seemingly isn’t complete without some sort of major annoyance on the return trip.
20. Passing the GO bus on the left was a white car with an SPRM specialty plate bearing the logo of the real Jets. That place does keep following me around.
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