Recent PostsOver the River CXVIII
October 28, 2026
Highlights and lowlights from my 118th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. Seated across the aisle on the inbound #308 Grantham bus was the same Middle Eastern guy on my last trip who was again mumbling or chanting something all the way downtown. This time, however, he was wearing a red hoodie from the University of Guelph.
2. Boarding the #45B ahead of me at the downtown terminal was a haggard old woman who was trying to pass off an old transfer. “I haven’t got any money on me,” she said before the driver let her ride like a Winnipegger. At Niagara College, she pulled the same routine on the driver of the #45A, but after taking a seat, several minutes later, she began rocking back and forth and mumbling, “Niagara Falls . . . Niagara Falls.” Finally, she got up and asked the driver if this was the Welland bus. “No, this bus goes to Niagara Falls,” the driver replied. Exactly what it says on the big signs in front and along the side. “I’m on the wrong bus then,” she said and promptly got off. It was perhaps not a coincidence that there was a full moon out.
3. When I pulled up to the booth at U.S. Customs, the CBP officer who served me asked, “What’s up, brother?” After handing him my passport, he asked, “What are you doing today, Curtis?” Finally, after handing my passport back, he said, “Have a nice ride. Ride safe.”
4. Seated up front on the #77 Buffalo-bound bus was a DWAM™ who got off at the last Niagara Falls stop. They’re still around.
5. Stop and listen . . .
6. Soon to be renamed to America Street . . .
7. Christopher Columbus wuz here . . .
8. Pushing a stroller down Elmwood Avenue was a woman wearing short shorts. It was +5C when I left the house.
9. Jogging on the sidewalk on Elmwood Avenue was a black guy wearing a PEI cap with a Canadian flag on the back.
10. Waddling into Spot Coffee was a black woman flashing way too much blubber, and the rest was much too tightly encased. She took a seat nearby, opened her laptop on the table, left her purse and went over to the counter to order. And it was still there when she got back. Untouched. This is not the Old Country.
11. Soon after, some dude wearing a leopard-skin fur coat came walking by. The look just screamed “pimp.”
12. I wondered if there was a Thorold Court nearby . . .
13. On Cleveland Avenue, I passed by a guy walking his dog. “Good boy,” he said as the dog was shitting on the boulevard.
14. Limping across Allen Street was yet another DWAM™. But he pulled his mask down below his nose as he approached a storefront and kept moseying down the sidewalk.
15. After loading my bike on the outbound #40 bus at the Metropolitan Transportation Center, one of the nearby scruffy characters who reeked with weed wished me peace and blessings. “If you feel grateful for what you have, then you have peace,” he said.
16. At Niagara Square, the driver cut off a white van, forcing him to have to swerve to avoid a collision, then the driver had the nerve to blast his horn at the van.
17. The pumpkin display at the Niagara USA Visitor Center. I declined to vote for my favorite, since I dislike them all. Halloween is one of those things I just don’t get.
18. Upon my return to Ostdeutschland Canada, there was a line of U.S.-bound cars stretching halfway across the bridge, but there were no cars going into Canada. In fact, I had my choice of two empty lanes. Which isn’t surprising. At the Berlin Wall, people risked their lives to get from the East to the West, not the other way around.
19. In the washroom at the Niagara Falls (Canada) Bus Terminal, I listened as a guy was bellyaching about the price of the sucker bus WEGO 24-hour pass. “They’re charging $16,” he said. “It was $12 last time I was here. They’re overcharging people, bro. F---ing assholes!”
20. And yet the tourists will undoubtedly still ask the people behind the desk when the next GO bus is coming . . .
21. Boarding the #12 GO bus ahead of me was a family consisting of a prematurely aged woman desperately trying to keep her toddler from screaming, an older woman pushing a walker and a couple of quasi-retarded teenagers, one of whom had his sweatpants down, enabling me to see too much of his hairy butt. They had been at the stop for more than 15 minutes, yet they didn’t think to buy their tickets until after the bus pulled up, instead giving the driver a song and dance about how they’ll buy them online after taking their seats. Which they did soon after the bus took off, and the older woman dug out a CIBC Visa card to pay for them.
While they were fiddling about with their phones, the older woman said she didn’t gamble yesterday because she had bad diarrhea.
22. At 420 & Stanley were several lawn signs from Brampton Cash & Carry, saying they were now open in Niagara Falls.
23. After I got off at Fairview Mall, a black guy wanting to board asked the driver if he was going to Burlington.
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