Recent PostsOver the River CX
June 21, 2026
Highlights and lowlights from my 110th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. Waiting for the GO bus at Fairview Mall was a young kid with patches of the flags of Japan and Somalia sewn onto his backpack.
2. After the #45 Niagara Transit bus pulled up at the outlet mall, a simpleton who boarded at Fairview Mall and had an N95 dipshit mask around his neck asked the driver if he stopped on Taylor Road. He didn’t seem to know where on Taylor Road he wanted to go. “I just want to get to Taylor Road,” he said. And after getting off at Niagara College, he set off in that direction, blankly staring at some directions he printed off from Google Maps.
3. While I was waiting in line at the Rainbow Bridge, a tour bus from Chicago was headed in the opposite direction toward Canada. Part of me wanted to wave at them to stop and yell, “Don’t do it!”
4. When the CBP officer at the Rainbow Bridge asked when I’d be going back, I was tempted to say, “Do I have to?” But I held my tongue. And in any event, if I was staying in the U.S., I’d do it legally.
5. After clearing customs, I made my way to the state park, where I had never seen so many people that early in the morning.
6. Another message from the nanny state. If you need the government to remind you to look both ways before crossing the street, you shouldn’t be left on your own without adult supervision.
7. I found 30 cents on Porter Road near the golf course. These days, that translates to about $1.00 Canadian.
8. Working the drive-thru at the Tim Hortons at the corner of Porter and Military Roads (please note: I still have a gift card to blow through) was a young kid wearing a dipshit mask. “Got your maaaask on? Feel something coming on?” asked the older woman at the counter who called everyone “honey” and “sweetheart.” No doubt he did feel something coming on as such people, who must be up to a dozen boosters by now, must be in a state of perpetual sickness. At least those who are still alive.
9. “I was going to invite you to my cocktail party,” said one of the old guys seated nearby to one of his buddies named Bob. “But instead, I’m going to invite Nonni. Instead, you can come to my colonoscopy on Tuesday.”
10. Passing me in the outlet mall was a heavy-set black guy wearing a T-shirt with the message, “Me vs. me.”
11. You can never be too “safe” when it comes to the gumball machines. They must be teeming with viruses.
12. Who dat?
13. Waay 2 slo . . .
14. Even the Seneca Niagara Casino bends the knee to the rainbow mafia . . .
15. There were so many people from India in the state park that I thought I was in a Canadian Tim Hortons.
16. The textbook definition of gouging . . .
17. On my return trip, there was a line the entire length of the bridge waiting to get into the U.S., yet I had multiple open lanes waiting for me at Canadian Customs. There, I had a chatty officer who asked me if I could have used the pedestrian walkway with my bike. I shouldn’t have been surprised that he didn’t know. Back when I had my NEXUS interview at Fort Erie, the CBSA officer thought I could take my bike across the Whirlpool Bridge. Which I couldn’t. Passenger cars only.
18. When I got to the Niagara Falls (Canada) Bus Terminal, there were so many people piling off the GO train that I wondered if there was anyone left in Toronto.
19. More than 15 minutes later, there was still a line two dozen deep to get into the women’s washroom.
20. Whereas most of the people in the terminal were obviously tourists, this guy was just using the place to dry out.
21. An older guy who followed me into the washroom yelled, “Martha, I’m home!” as he unzipped his fly and began unloading the contents of his bladder. “Oh my . . . oh God . . . oh my gosh,” he repeated as the flow kept coming. I couldn’t imagine how long he had been holding it.
22. Boarding the #12 GO bus at 420 & Stanley was a woman toting a bag with the message, “Glow with pride” on it, along with a rainbow. How welcoming and inclusive of her.
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