Recent PostsOver the River CVI
April 18, 2026
Highlights and lowlights from my 106th two-wheeled trek to the Great State of New York:
1. While waiting for the #308 bus to take me downtown to catch the first of two Falls-bound regional buses, (thanks again, Niagara Transit, for skipping the Fairview Mall stop and changing the schedule, thus forcing me to use three buses instead of one) I listened as a teenager was arguing with his mother in their driveway. “It’s, like, everything I tell you is crap,” he said before taking off down the street on foot. The mother, meanwhile, eventually left in her car, but not before letting it warm up for several minutes. Certainly understandable since it was +10 outside. Brrr.
2. Just as the #308 bus was pulling away from the stop at Carlton, the driver of an SUV, obviously in a powerful hurry, pulled around and royally cut the bus off, then made a right turn and floored it down Carlton.
3. Doing more in the core. Now who doesn’t want to experience our eclectic downtown?
4. Of the four Niagara Transit drivers I had en route to the bridge, not one was playing loud music. Insert sarcastic applause here.
5. My inspection at U.S. Customs consisted of one question, “Where are you going?”
6. Brought to you by the same government which caused so many mental-health problems . . .
7. As I was returning to my bike following a bathroom break in the state park, a couple of guys with a map in their hands stopped me and asked where the “dormitory” was. After I returned a curious look, one of them said, “You know, where you walk out and look at the falls.” Clearly, he was looking for the observation deck, so I pointed them the way. But it’s not a “dormitory.”
8. If you need such a sign to tell you not to jump in, you shouldn’t be left alone without adult supervision . . .
9. This was one of many heavyweights I spotted at the Tim Hortons on Niagara Falls Boulevard. Soon after, another fatso came in, ordered some “food” and waddled across the parking lot with it in tow, likely soon to be inhaled.
9a. Disclaimer: I have another $50 gift card to blow. That’s the only reason I set foot in there again.
10. Nearby, a couple of older gray-haired guys named Lee and Fred were chatting, mostly about potholes. After lamenting how the politicians were posing for the cameras while smoothing over the potholes, Lee said, “Military Road is, like, pothole heaven.”
“It’s filling it, not fixing it,” he said before looking up what was in the mixture they use for the patches. After he found what he was looking for, he gave Fred the full list, which included plastic and gravel.
“A well-maintained asphalt driveway should last 15-30 years,” said Fred.
Lee then turned his attention to the chairs they were sitting on. “These chairs are tearing the floors up,” he said. “They use metal sliders on tile floors. They’re made for rugs.”
Finally, Fred took his leave. “Have a nice day,” he said.
“I can’t promise you anything,” said Lee.
11. On his way out, Lee stopped to talk to this guy, who had just gone through the drive-thru. There are thousand-year-old sequoia trees in California with smaller trunks than this guy’s calves.
Make America Less Obese Again
12. Before leaving, I checked the coupon I was given at the checkout. It was an offer for a 10-pack of Timbits for $1 if you fill in a survey. I wouldn’t take it if they gave it to me for free.
13. At the nearby outlet mall, one that’s dying a slow death, I noticed a number of mall walkers had left their jackets and coats in the food court unattended while they circled the largely empty mall. And even in Niagara Falls, GSNY, one of the most dangerous cities in the US, those jackets and coats would likely still be there when they got back. Untouched. Because this is not Winnipeg.
14. Go Bills . . .
15. No bigger sign that the Democrats are firmly in charge of the Great State of New York than the fact that they openly allow you to spend welfare money at McDonald’s . . .
16. Farther down Pine was a black woman walking down the sidewalk wearing a dipshit mask pulled down past her nose. Outside. Did I mention she was carrying a lit cigarette? She’s worried about a virus, but smokes.
17. Inside the gift shop at the welcome center in the state park, a couple looking at a T-shirt asked the clerk how much it was. “$19.95,” the clerk replied. “US?” one of them asked. No, it’s in Mexican pesos. Of course you’re going to be quoted the price in the currency of the country you’re in, you idiot.
18. Outside the welcome center was an older guy perched on his motorized scooter holding a sign, “Homeless Anything Helps.” Yet despite his alleged financial problems, he had enough money for the cigarette he was puffing on. Stop me if you’ve seen this movie before.
19. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse at the Niagara Falls (Canada) Bus Terminal, they have. Inside the washroom, the last of the two hand dryers that still worked is now out of service. There is still graffiti in the stall and outside, one seat back was missing and another one was cracked. Even the display board showing when the next WEGO sucker bus was due was out of service. What a nice welcome for the tourists who were pouring out of the GO train when I was there.
20. One of those tourists was wearing a green sweatshirt from McNally Robinson, a customer-unfriendly bookstore founded in Winnipeg. That place does follow me around.
21. Once I got back to Fairview Mall, I noticed a Muslim woman putting $1.50 on her Presto card. She paid with a credit card. Oy.
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