Category Archives: Manitoba Election

15 Oct

McFadyen Awarded Honorary NDP Membership

Yesterday, Manitoba Progressive Conservative leader Hugh McFadyen was awarded honorary membership in the party he’s unsuccessfully tried to defeat in the last two provincial elections.
At the ceremony held in front of the Grand Staircase at the Legislative Building, Manitoba Premier and New Democratic Party leader Greg Selinger presented McFadyen with a certificate bearing his name, making him an honorary member of the NDP.
Hugh McFadyen and Greg Selinger pose for the cameras.
“I’m very honored, Mr. Premier,” said McFadyen. “Despite the differences between us that I’m sure exist, I’m very pleased to accept this certificate on behalf of my entire campaign team. I will never forget this gesture. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
“We were disappointed to learn that Mr. McFadyen was stepping down as the Conservative leader,” said Selinger. “We decided that we should do something to honor his years of helping us stay in power. It’s because of the work of Mr. McFadyen and his campaign team, not to mention the gullible Manitoba voters that we are embarking on a historic fourth straight term in office. This was the least we could do for Mr. McFadyen and we only hope he decides to reconsider, stay on as the Conservative leader, and keep his campaign team fully intact.”
“I learned the hard way that trying to outspend Mr. Selinger is like trying to pray better than the Pope,” added McFadyen. “I gave it my best and now it’s time to step aside and let someone else take the ball and run with it.”
After the ceremony, McFadyen received a warm round of applause from Selinger and his entire team of elected and appointed members. Some admitted to shedding tears upon hearing that McFadyen was stepping down.
“I owe my entire political career to him,” said an emotional Erin Selby, the MLA for Southdale. “I thought that the Conservatives could run a rhinoceros as their candidate and win in Southdale. But it was Hugh who finally convinced me that I could win.”
“Without Hugh and his fabulous campaign team, I’d be sweeping the floors at Global,” added Selby, a former television reporter with A-Channel in Winnipeg. “Just look at me now!”
“The Premier flagrantly broke election law, our MLAs insulted flood victims this summer and McFadyen didn’t say a word. We’ve been ripe for the picking for over a decade and yet here we are with a fourth term,” said one senior party official. “We’ve pretty much had the province to ourselves. We can’t thank McFadyen and his team enough.”
The Conservatives have yet to announce a successor to McFadyen.
25 Sep

NDP Announces Revolutionary Funding Plan

Staring down his critics in advance of the upcoming provincial election, Manitoba NDP leader and Premier Greg Selinger today unveiled a new weapon to help them to not only balance the books to counter an exploding provincial deficit, but also to pay for his election promises.
At a ceremony today on the grounds of the Manitoba Legislature, a number of NDP candidates joined Selinger in helping to plant the world’s first money tree.
“People always say that socialists are empty-headed dreamers living in a fantasy world who think that money grows on trees,” said a defiant Selinger. “With this money tree, we will again show our critics, and Mr. McFadyen in particular, that they are wrong. And the Jets are back.”
During the ceremony, Selinger shoveled the final bits of topsoil around the sapling that was nursed from its infancy in the greenhouse located behind the Legislative Building. Selinger held up one branch for the cameras that had a bud with a glistening golden hue.
“I think this one’s going to be a loonie,” said Selinger to a gathering of reporters and photographers. “And the Jets are back.”
“This is really a tribute to Manitoba ingenuity,” continued Selinger. “It will be able to grow even in a harsh winter climate like we have here in Manitoba and flourish in the summer months. This is one of the many reasons that I’m so proud to be a Manitoban. And the Jets are back.”
Progressive Conservative leader Hugh McFadyen was not impressed.
“This is just another act of desperation on the part of the NDP. A forest of money trees can’t keep up with Mr. Selinger’s spending habits,” said McFadyen.
The public is invited to view the tree, which is located on the southwest corner of the Legislative Building grounds.
20 Sep

NDP Makes “No Snow” Pledge

Under increasing pressure from the opposition as the Manitoba provincial election grows nearer, New Democratic Party leader Greg Selinger today promised an enthusiastic gathering in downtown Winnipeg today that, if elected, not a single flake of snow will fall on Manitoba this winter.
“There will be no snow in Manitoba this winter. And the Jets are back,” said Selinger in front of a gathering of rabid fans gathered at the corner of Portage and Main before tonight’s NHL hockey game.
“Manitobans have the opportunity to keep this province going forward. And the Jets are back,” continued Selinger. “Without snow this winter, our farmers can rest assured that we will not have a repeat of the flooding problems that we did this year. And the Jets are back.”
“I understand there might be some Manitobans who would like to see a white Christmas. Perhaps we can work it in for next year, but for this year, we declare Manitoba a ‘snow-free zone’. And the Jets are back.”
When asked how he planned to deliver on his promise, Selinger explained, “We’ve partnered with some extraordinary Manitoba companies who have pooled their resources to produce a revolutionary device that can divert atmospheric disturbances away from our province. And the Jets are back.”
“Whoo, hooo!” screamed one fan at the gathering. “Stanley Cup, here we come!”
Hugh McFadyen, leader of the Progressive Conservative Party, had this to say when asked for a comment on Selinger’s scheme.
“We’re going to hire more nurses and doctors. And we’re going to introduce a new tax credit for um, something. We’ll be able to give Manitoba families the credit they deserve.”
Dr. Jon Gerrard, the Liberal leader, was not available for comment. A spokesman for the Liberal Party said that Gerrard was busy trying to scrounge up enough signatures in his own constituency to get his name on the ballot.