On the Road – Dipshits Galore, Gay Tree Houses, Bagel Lines and More
January 11, 2026
Highlights and lowlights from yesterday’s voyage to and from the universe’s center:
1. Waiting at Fairview Mall was an older woman seated nearby who made sure to put on her dipshit mask several minutes before the bus came. You can’t be too careful these days with all those viruses floating around. It is, after all, “flu season.”
2. A DWAM™ at Burlington waiting for the train. Note that in the second shot, she made sure to put the dipshit mask over her nose. No doubt, she’ll lose sleep over having her nose open while being in such close proximity to someone else.
3. This woman seated in the corner wasn’t wearing a dipshit mask, but she had one wrapped around her sleeve just in case the need arose. Perhaps people like this have a sense as to when those nasty viruses are in higher concentration.
4. Another nauseating ad from the “elbows up” crowd . . .
5. The train I caught to Union was delayed by 15 minutes allegedly on account of “VIA traffic.” So after returning home, for the first time, I took advantage of their on-time service guarantee and submitted a claim. Of course, they don’t tell you about this guarantee on the train. There was no shortage of other announcements. The entire ride back, in fact, felt like one long announcement. But not that one.
6. Between Clarkson and Port Credit, I spotted a tree house painted in rainbow colors facing the tracks.
7. There was a distinct odor of shit in the streetcar going down Queen Street. It’s not as though there aren’t enough public washrooms around. But then again, maybe someone had an accident.
8. One of the many eclectic sights along Queen Street East . . .
9. Don’t take any guff from these people . . .
10. The woman behind the counter at the Purple Penguin Cafe seemed taken aback when I paid with cash. Even the people at my dentist’s office take it more in stride.
11. While stopped at a red light, this cyclist got off his bike to check something on his wheel. In the process, he nearly dropped the dipshit mask he had hooked to his backpack. Again, someone being extra careful just in case the need should arise. Viruses are everywhere.
12. Across the street, a middle-aged guy wearing an industrial-grade dipshit mask walked into Craig’s Cookies. I’m beyond pity for such people. Same goes for the black woman who was holding her dipshit mask tightly over her nose as she walked by. Outside.
13. Not long after, I spotted a cyclist heading east. He wasn’t wearing a helmet, but he was balancing a boxed CCM helmet on his handlebars.
14. Seated in the back was a group of middle-aged women. “Are you a dog or a cat person?” one of them asked. “Dog,” one of them replied. “Skipper.” She went on to say that he’ll bite you if you touch him behind his ears.
15. Watching the people go by on Queen Street, I remain convinced more than ever that there are more dogs than people in Toronto.
16. The name would be enough to trigger a liberal . . .
17. While I was in the cafe, a heavy-set woman left this pile of junk in the shelter, then moseyed off somewhere.
18. Words of wisdom . . .
19. Welcome to Olivia Chow’s Toronto . . .
20. Did they just assume the gender of the flag person?
21. Get your eyelash “extention” . . .
22. Taking a seat next to me in St. Lawrence Market was a couple of older women from out of town who began digging into their cinnamon rolls they just got from Future Bakery. “Being a diabetic helps you identify the foods that affect your body,” said one of them. “It helps you adjust your behaviors.”
“For a while there, Costco had almond Danishes,” her friend said. “But you had to buy two packages. The first two are good. But when you get to the eighth, you think you just should have gone to the bakery and gotten fewer.”
Following some other chatter, the first one said she liked the market. “But would I travel all the way here for this? No.” But her friend said she’d still like to do a full lap.
The first one went on to say that based on what she saw online, Kensington Market will be more food vendors. She later added that she’ll be going to Sea World in a couple of weeks.
23. The line at St. Urbain Bagel . . .
24. The black kid working at Sugar Daddy, a place that offers hot mini donuts in the Union Market, was lonelier than a Maytag repairman, but he was keeping himself amused with his phone.
25. More barf-worthy groveling . . .
26. Yet another DWAM™, this one catching a few winks amid all the hustle and bustle in the York concourse . . .
27. Leaving Union, I spotted a billboard from Forty Creek Winery. Made in Niagara. The good side, the sign said. And they’re right. But when you go over the river, it’s the great side, since it’s in the Great State of New York. Why just be good when you can be great?
28. Seated across the aisle from me on the train was a middle-aged couple. She was toting a pink suitcase and holding a large McDonald’s cup which she got as part of order #376, while he was wearing an Oilers cap and toting a black backpack. She began the ride with a phone call to her daughter about some concert. “I would 100% get those presale tickets,” she said. “If it’s not too expensive.” After the call, she spent the next hour going on and on with her husband debating as to the best way to get to Billy Bishop Airport for her flight on Monday. There’s the option to park near the ferry, then walk. She could take her car on the ferry for $15 round-trip. She could take the free shuttle from Union. Or she could just get an Uber from Union. Decisions, decisions. Still unsure of which option to pick, she went online checking reviews. Finally finished with all of that, she got back on the phone with her daughter to push her to get those presale tickets.
29. Dear Metrolinx: Does you really need five customer service reps hanging out at Burlington GO? On a Saturday in January, no less? And if you must have such an overabundance of who I’m sure are well-paid staff on hand, must they be standing in the middle of the hallway blocking passengers, as they were soon after this picture was taken? For the record, this was reported.
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